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Home » CHFWeb Forum » TitusTwo » Puberty and hormones
Puberty and hormones [message #818152] Tue, 30 August 2016 23:19 Go to next message
praise2christ  is currently offline praise2christ
Messages: 2166
Registered: August 2009
Location: Northern KY
Senior Member
I know that I was just asking a similar question for myself (hormones), but this is for my DD. She is 10 years old, turns 11 next month. But, she is a tiny thing who looks more like she is 8 or 9.

Lately her moods have been crazy. Lots of sass and lots of crying. She breaks out in crying for little to no reason. She talks about being afraid to grow up and how she hates change. The only big "growing up" change has been that she and her brother joined the church youth group. But, that honestly hasn't been a huge change since they are in with other kids their age that they've known for years.

My DH said to take her to the doctor. I explained that I thought she was going to start her period, soon. He argued that she is too young (I explained that she wasn't) and that, even if she did, it couldn't possibly be the cause of her crying every day for no reason (I assured him that it definitely could be).

If she doesn't start her period soon, I will be shocked. But, to reassure my DH, how long should I wait for her period to start before being concerned that something else is going on? I do realize that I could be wrong about her period. But, I'm just not sure how long before a first period the PMS-like symptoms can start.


Stacy, mom to 12-year-old boy/girl twins and a three-year-old boy.

"Every man's life is a fairy tale written by God's finger." Hans Christian Andersen
Re: Puberty and hormones [message #818153 is a reply to message #818152 ] Wed, 31 August 2016 07:01 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Lisa T.  is currently offline Lisa T.
Messages: 5497
Registered: April 2005
Location: New Hampshire
Senior Member
However long it goes on, it will seem like forever!

If she is very tiny, it is likely to be longer, especially if there are no other physical signs of puberty. My tiny dds had other physical signs beginning about a year before their periods started at age 13.

Yes, definitely could be hormones, though. All those emotional signs started with my girls at about age 11.

If she is due for an annual physical any time soon, it won't hurt to mention it to the doctor.

You might want to give her some one-on-one "girl time". Do something fun together, go shopping, go out somewhere special, or just have some uninterrupted time together to chat.

Remember that you have just moved, which can feel like a big disruption to a child as well. Does she have her own room for the first time? Being away from her twin brother at night might be a big adjustment.

Give her some extra love and attention, and help her to take charge of the changes she's experiencing. She needs lots of information, but also reassurance that she's ready, and some things to look forward to (more privileges or independence, for example). It might help her to be able to decorate her own room, or be allowed to do/wear something "grown up" (painting her nails? wearing lip gloss? pierce her ears? high heels?) or to have her own supplies in case her period starts unexpectedly.

Offer her some strategies for dealing with the emotional ups and downs. If she can recognize it as hormones, it might help. My mom used to send me to bed for a nap! It actually helped. She explained to me that it was not a punishment, but that growing changing bodies need more rest. (and it probably gave her a needed break from me as well! Laughing )


Lisa T.
Re: Puberty and hormones [message #818154 is a reply to message #818152 ] Wed, 31 August 2016 07:57 Go to previous messageGo to next message
praise2christ  is currently offline praise2christ
Messages: 2166
Registered: August 2009
Location: Northern KY
Senior Member
Thank you so much, Lisa! I have just felt completely helpless!

A nap would probably be really helpful. I will also be taking her to the store to pick out a little makeup-type bag to keep some supplies in.

This isn't her first time in her own room. We put the boys together about a year before our move to give the twins a little privacy. But, now that DS has his own room, he isn't spending Jack's naptime hanging out in DD's room. So, they are probably spending less time together.

The doctor told us a few years ago that we should watch for breast buds as the first sign that her period would be coming soon. So far, no breast buds. But, she is developing in other ways (hair, etc). From what I've read, it seems she just might not be falling the "normal" order.


Stacy, mom to 12-year-old boy/girl twins and a three-year-old boy.

"Every man's life is a fairy tale written by God's finger." Hans Christian Andersen
Re: Puberty and hormones [message #818156 is a reply to message #818152 ] Wed, 31 August 2016 09:10 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Lisa R.  is currently offline Lisa R.
Messages: 14917
Registered: April 2005
Location: Georgia
Senior Member

When my oldest was 11, we were having similar issues. She went from a lovely, reasonably well-behaved, compliant child to...well, exactly what you're describing.

I was chatting with her SS teacher at a church event and the teacher said something like, "Anna is such a sweet child, such a joy to have in class." My jaw dropped and I said, "ANNA RAGAN????!!!! Are you sure you're talking about the right kid?" Just as I said this a lady whose 16yod was the sweetest thing you'd ever meet walked by and overheard the conversation.

She stopped and asked, "How old is she?" I replied, "11." She gave me a knowing look and said, "yes, Mary was that was from 11-13. She cried and yelled and we fought...I think I saw everything except her head spinning around." (reference to the Exorcist. Wink)

Anyway, we talked, and it was so good to hear from someone on the other side, whose sweet daughter had been through puberty and come out as a normal human being. And it was good to have the heads up that it was both normal and temporary.

She was right...period started about 12, a year or so of adjusting, and she was (more or less) back to normal by about 13 or 14---just in time for dd#2 to hit that whole puberty thing.

I have 8 girls, and it went that way with all of them. The youngest to start her period was 10 and the oldest was 14, so there is quite a range of "normal." Some were weepy, some were rebellious and angry, some were all over the board.

To be honest, I wouldn't worry about her seeing a doctor for these symptoms until she's 14 or so. (If there are other things that concern you, or if you're one who feels you need a doctor's advice on life changes, then sure...but this sounds amazingly normal to me).

Aside from the good advice about getting enough sleep, eating healthy (junk food exacerbates things, but a little dark chocolate one week per month is good! Wink), I'd take time to make sure to talk to her not only about the physical changes, but thee emotional changes as well.

The fact that it is normal to be all weepy and angry doesn't give us excuse for sin, and that is something that I believe we moms need to impress on our daughters early. All the t-shirts with slogans about pms reflect a selfish and ungodly attitude that basically says that we are controlled by our hormones and not responsible for our actions toward others. God's Word, obviously, says otherwise. If you can help her understand what is happening and offer her grace during that time, while encouraging her to take a few minutes in her room to regroup when things feel out of control, you'll all be happier.

What I do NOT recommend is a flippant and dismissive, "Oh, it's just that time of the month; you'll get over it," when things seem important to her. That's how my mom did it, and it always felt so belittling and unjust...so much so that I was married with kids before I really accepted that hormones influenced my feelings and even my actions! I believe girls need to understand the reality of what is happening physically and emotionally, and to be given the tools to overcome and still act in a godly fashion in the midst. Of course, this is a years' long training thing (I still struggle and I'm long past that stuff!)

If your dh can't understand and accept what you're saying, I recommend that HE talk with a doctor so that he can get a grasp on what is happening...it will help him parent better through something that he cannot understand firsthand.

Sorry so long. I just feel that moms of young teens are often left feeling that life is out of control as well as their daughters, and that they've somehow failed or that life will always be this way, but it is not so! Most everyone deals with this to some degree. Give it 3 years or so, and things will be looking up! Just get good information and share it with her, and even with your boys to some extent so they understand. Boys have puberty issues, but not quite the same stuff as girls.

Hope this helps.


Blessings,
Lisa R.
Re: Puberty and hormones [message #818159 is a reply to message #818152 ] Wed, 31 August 2016 10:41 Go to previous messageGo to next message
ReneeL.inMN
Messages: 4774
Registered: April 2005
Senior Member
Ditto what Lisa said ... all of it.


ReneeL.inMN
25yos, 23yos, 13 yod I guess I am old enough for adult children.

My stomach hurts, but I still choose joy! :-)

Re: Puberty and hormones [message #818162 is a reply to message #818159 ] Wed, 31 August 2016 11:38 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Tracy in Peru  is currently offline Tracy in Peru
Messages: 7972
Registered: April 2005
Location: Trujillo, Peru
Senior Member
Good advice, and yes, I would say with girls, the harder times are that "tween/young teen" than the actual older, teen years. Consider they don't actually get a period with the "ah-ha" moment of "why" it can make it seem never ending. When the period finally comes, it will be a relief.

Teach her to give herself time-outs with naps, music, good chocolate, tea--whatever. Allow school work to be put on hold or re-arranged. Help her to learn to pace herself and consider her whole week, (ie--if I put off schoolwork now, how do I balance makeup work with my best friend's party this weekend). Use it as a learning opportunity.

And Stacey, as you struggle yourself to find some answers to your hormones, remember you are modeling for your dd and her future family as well.


In Him--Tracy
Re: Puberty and hormones [message #818218 is a reply to message #818152 ] Thu, 08 September 2016 11:41 Go to previous messageGo to next message
MicheleB  is currently offline MicheleB
Messages: 4489
Registered: July 2006
Senior Member
Why not just do as your husband requested and take her to the doctor and ask him to also go along?


Michele
Re: Puberty and hormones [message #818222 is a reply to message #818218 ] Thu, 08 September 2016 16:12 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Carrie L  is currently offline Carrie L
Messages: 2094
Registered: May 2005
Location: NH
Senior Member
My dd just turned 11 on Tuesday. We are going through the exact same thing. And I've noticed that she seems to be in sync with my cycle, as well.

I'm reading through the American Girl Doll book called the Care and Keeping of You. It's helped start some good conversations - from basic hair and teeth brushing to starting your period and dealing with emotions.

The library probably has some good resources to check out, too.


Carrie

Only three things are necessary to make life happy: the blessing of God, books, and a friend.
Re: Puberty and hormones [message #818225 is a reply to message #818222 ] Thu, 08 September 2016 20:13 Go to previous messageGo to next message
praise2christ  is currently offline praise2christ
Messages: 2166
Registered: August 2009
Location: Northern KY
Senior Member
Carrie L wrote on Thu, 08 September 2016 16:12

My dd just turned 11 on Tuesday. We are going through the exact same thing. And I've noticed that she seems to be in sync with my cycle, as well.

I'm reading through the American Girl Doll book called the Care and Keeping of You. It's helped start some good conversations - from basic hair and teeth brushing to starting your period and dealing with emotions.

The library probably has some good resources to check out, too.

Carrie, we have that book, too. I am really please with it.


Stacy, mom to 12-year-old boy/girl twins and a three-year-old boy.

"Every man's life is a fairy tale written by God's finger." Hans Christian Andersen
Re: Puberty and hormones [message #818226 is a reply to message #818152 ] Thu, 08 September 2016 21:27 Go to previous message
Leigh  is currently offline Leigh
Messages: 4572
Registered: April 2005
Location: Tennessee
Senior Member
My daughter was always an emotional girl. Her emotions practically ran her life. We wanted her to run on a more even keel, and that's a big reason we home schooled. It took a looooong time to train her away from such immediate strong emotional responses. We generally did not send her to her room for punishment because we wanted her room to be her sanctuary. We would listen to her issue, comfort her as best we could, and then if she was not in control, we would ask her to go to her room to pray and get control over herself. We knew that once she reached puberty that self control would be very important. It's one of the fruits of the Spirit.

Our daughter turned out to be an early bloomer, so this was wise on our part.

That's kind of a long way of saying I agree with Lisa R.


Leigh
Tennessee

"Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety."

~~Benjamin Franklin

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