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Home » CHFWeb Forum » HotTopics » Smoking -
Smoking - [message #815008] Thu, 10 December 2015 17:41 Go to next message
Jamie
Messages: 4138
Registered: April 2005
Senior Member
I suppose this could be a TT question rather than Hot Topics, but the response (which is what I had feared) has me insert the question of *how* to ask someone to smoke elsewhere or to put it out *without* them *having* to take it as a confrontation or an insult.

There are parks which clearly are posted no smoking areas. The zoo is posted (you have to look for it, admittedly) that the entire property is a non-smoking area. There are times when I've been to both places and the smoker doesn't even try to put space between themselves and others when smoking. This afternoon at the zoo, I was with a new friend, her two kids and Jonah (who is having allergy issues right now). She treated the children to small cups of ice-cream which we took to the outside picnic table area. There were something like 12 tables scattered all around, and only one other table, when we sat, was occupied. Not too long after, a family sat at the table right next to our own. One adult took off, I suppose to order food inside, and the other adult began to smoke. Though the smell was very strong and really bad, I didn't know what to say - but it was so that we could taste it as well as smell...not what we wanted around the kids. I didn't want to say anything because I've seen it go so badly before. A couple minutes later, though, my new friend said very politely (she has a meek, almost little girl voice naturally), "Excuse me." To catch the woman's attention, "Your smoke is coming over to our table and the zoo is a no smoking area. Could you do something?" The woman was clearly offended, taken aback, etc. Her reaction, I don't even know how to type because it was all visual and tone - more like "What's the matter with you?" But, right on cue, Jonah started coughing - I said he has allergies, and then he started sounding like he was losing a lung. She was flustered and gathered her stuff up and the kiddo she was with and left the area.

Though, as I have said, I've seen people become seriously ugly and confrontational about simple requests. (Heck, we even had a death in our city over a request that was quite reasonable, although the requester also ridiculously escalated when the other became confrontational).

If I had been there alone with Jonah, I probably would have moved and not said a thing. When you have a passel of children, food, strollers, etc. it's not as quickly done.

[Updated on: Thu, 10 December 2015 17:42]


Peace
Re: Smoking - [message #815035 is a reply to message #815008 ] Fri, 11 December 2015 13:55 Go to previous messageGo to next message
praise2christ  is currently offline praise2christ
Messages: 2166
Registered: August 2009
Location: Northern KY
Senior Member
I wish I knew! I admit that I'm not shy about asking. I always do it in a friendly and as non-confrontation way as I can.

But, cigarette smoke makes me ill and I can't stand it. Most of the time people are nice. Sometimes, they are very angry. As if, by not wanting the smoke in my lungs I am judging them for putting it in theirs.


Stacy, mom to 12-year-old boy/girl twins and a three-year-old boy.

"Every man's life is a fairy tale written by God's finger." Hans Christian Andersen
Re: Smoking - [message #815037 is a reply to message #815035 ] Fri, 11 December 2015 15:23 Go to previous messageGo to next message
william
Messages: 497
Registered: August 2007
Senior Member
Tamara is the same way. I come from a whole family of smokers so you can imagine the problems! Fortunately all of them know that it makes her sick and refrain from smoking whenever she is around. I don't remember how we dealt with the first confrontation or I'd offer some advice but I imagine that it would be tougher dealing with strangers than dealing with family. With family we probably just told them straight out!

Blessings,
William


There's never enough time to do Satan's bidding...
Re: Smoking - [message #815039 is a reply to message #815008 ] Fri, 11 December 2015 15:51 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Barbara K (NC)
Messages: 1864
Registered: April 2005
Location: North Carolina
Senior Member
If you really are afraid of an escalation that could turn dangerous, never underestimate the power of being a tattletale. There's a reason why kids resort to that so often: it works! In a setting like at the zoo, a zoo employee can be alerted to the problem and help you out with that.


Barbara K (NC)

"And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." 2 Cor 9:8


Re: Smoking - [message #815053 is a reply to message #815039 ] Sat, 12 December 2015 10:04 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Lisa R.  is currently offline Lisa R.
Messages: 14917
Registered: April 2005
Location: Georgia
Senior Member

Barbara K (NC) wrote on Fri, 11 December 2015 15:51

If you really are afraid of an escalation that could turn dangerous, never underestimate the power of being a tattletale. There's a reason why kids resort to that so often: it works! In a setting like at the zoo, a zoo employee can be alerted to the problem and help you out with that.


I saw this thread yesterday when I didn't have time to respond. I was going to say, that in some situations, I'm fine with a polite, "We're allergic, if you don't mind..." (I don't know that it's a real allergy, but it the symptoms are the same, and a couple of my kiddos get really sick for days after smoke exposure).

Other times, I'm perfectly fine with finding the powers that be and reporting it. People often respond better to those in authority that those on equal footing.

And while this one bugs me to no end, sometimes, I choose to simply remove myself.

It's a case by case thing for me.


Blessings,
Lisa R.
Re: Smoking - [message #815226 is a reply to message #815008 ] Sun, 27 December 2015 15:32 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Rosemary-MI  is currently offline Rosemary-MI
Messages: 1313
Registered: April 2005
Location: Lower mid Michigan
Senior Member
My dh has asthma and he cannot breath when people have on perfume. Try telling that to people. They just don't get it and he has severe reactions. No scented candles, air fresheners, laundry soap with perfume it all sets him off. Smoke does too but perfume is much worse.

I have tried to explain to people but they say it's ridiculous.

~Rosemary


I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
Re: Smoking - [message #815227 is a reply to message #815226 ] Sun, 27 December 2015 15:55 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Lisa R.  is currently offline Lisa R.
Messages: 14917
Registered: April 2005
Location: Georgia
Senior Member

Rosemary-MI wrote on Sun, 27 December 2015 15:32

My dh has asthma and he cannot breath when people have on perfume. Try telling that to people. They just don't get it and he has severe reactions. No scented candles, air fresheners, laundry soap with perfume it all sets him off. Smoke does too but perfume is much worse.

I have tried to explain to people but they say it's ridiculous.

~Rosemary

I don't have asthma and am technically probably not allergic, but I can't breathe either. My grandmother had emphysema and couldn't go to church for the last 10 years or so of her life because folks there continued to insist on wearing perfumes.

We live in a society with no windows in most buildings, and plenty of enclosed spaces with no place to get away from smells. I hate to be the one to say someone can't wear a fragrance, or smoke, or whatever they want to do with their own lives and bodies...but it's so very frustrating when it negatively impacts me!


Blessings,
Lisa R.
Re: Smoking - [message #815642 is a reply to message #815008 ] Sun, 24 January 2016 12:43 Go to previous message
SkiGirl
Messages: 2169
Registered: April 2005
Location: Tidytown
Senior Member
I am non confrontational so I would remove myself.

I have asthma. Just wanted to say that it isn't really an allergy per say. My dr would say it's twitchy lungs. In other words, my lungs respond to stimuli in a different way than those of a normal person. Strong scents, smoke, pollen, cold, and other particulates irritate the lungs. For example, I have no pollen allergies, but if someone mows grass, I can have an asthma attack. I also have issues with high pollen count days and especially high ozone counts.

Personally, I cannot control weather and cold is a huge trigger for me even when I am well controlled. I cannot control everything. I can and do ask for no ice in any drinks.

I don't see how I should inconvenience others because I personally have a medical problem. If it is family, that is one thing. But I have also taught my ds that no one needs to cater to him unless under very special circumstances. We expect no one to cook for him ever. On a few rare occasions, I have asked for no nuts at an event. But these usually involve prolonged exposure like a classroom and a graduation celebration where I felt he should feel safe celebrating a sibling. I do not advocate for allergen free areas as a rule particularly as I see it leads to unrealistic life expectations. I do ask tons of questions. Tons. This is way out of my comfort zone, but time and again, we have avoided issues due to questions. I have taught my son to do this as well. It is very important for him to learn self advocacy.

Personally, I remove myself from difficult circumstances or as in when I walked into a beach house with about 20 air fresheners plugged in and immediately had an asthma attack, my husband immediately removed them all, not bothering to ask if my inlaws had placed them or not.

The best thing to do is carry an inhaler and have your asthma treated by a professional.


Rebecca
Married to my best friend and mommy to 6.

Daily given more Grace than I will ever deserve....




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