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Home » CHFWeb Forum » HotTopics » We haven't had a Hot Topic in a while...
We haven't had a Hot Topic in a while... [message #814393] Sat, 24 October 2015 22:25 Go to next message
Lisa R.  is currently offline Lisa R.
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Maybe this isn't one. But it struck me as something to think about regarding how we live as Titus Two Women:

https://start2finish.org/convenience-is-damaging-titus-2-liv ing/


Blessings,
Lisa R.
Re: We haven't had a Hot Topic in a while... [message #814396 is a reply to message #814393 ] Sun, 25 October 2015 00:04 Go to previous messageGo to next message
MicheleB  is currently offline MicheleB
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I don't know if it's a HT either, but it definitely one I've thought about and think about a lot. This statement was good: "In her lesson, she made the comment about generational gaps and how, before information was readily available at the click of a button, younger women would ask the older women about life in general."

I often post for advice, or questions I want to know and am always so disappointed when I just get a Google reply or a link to a website. I feel the loss of connection, of discussing answers and ideas aloud instead of with an URL. It is, for me, one way I connect- asking opinions, asking questions, sharing information. It goes both ways- both the younger woman asking the TT woman and the TT woman giving answer and counsel to the younger woman... it's all about relationship and connection, to me. I love Google, but I agree with this article that we are losing a lot of conversation, exchange of ideas and plain, old "older women teaching the younger" when we quickly Google something and post a website as a response.

Now maybe MY opinion will be a Hot Topic. Wink


Michele
Re: We haven't had a Hot Topic in a while... [message #814398 is a reply to message #814393 ] Sun, 25 October 2015 07:42 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Lisa R.  is currently offline Lisa R.
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I don't know that it's that hot among our group, really. After all, that Titus Two stuff is what we're supposed to be about.

I read another article recently about moms always being on their phones, and both of these have struck a chord with me lately.

When I went off to college, calling was long distance, but since we were just outside of Atlanta, our student center had an "Atlanta line," and by dialing '9' we could call toll free. There was a sign-up sheet from 5-10p.m., for 10 minute slots so we could call home. It wasn't an every night thing, but those 10 minutes 2-3 times a week were all my parents got.

My kids snapchat and instagram, FB, and facetime, so I get to *see* them (which makes a difference to me; I feel I can tell more whether they are alright when I can see them). So, IMHO, technology has improved much about our relationships from years ago.

OTOH, perhaps a 10-minute, in-depth conversation is better at building relationship than a bunch of silly faces with one-sentence captions!

Also, when my kids were younger, their computer time was mostly just fun stuff. They chatted with friends, or played a limited selection of games. I do waste time on FB (though to me credit, I'm in an ongoing process of evaluating and eliminating certain parts of it, and trying to be purposeful about its use.) But I also keep my calendar, my reminders, bills & banking, household organization, and currently I'm putting journaling and Bible study notes, plans for the future, and things like that on my computer as well. I've felt the need to explain to my kids that I'm not playing; I'm actually working and managing our home in this electronic age!

That last relates to the article I read about how in the old days, maybe a stay-at-home mom was busy a lot, but the kids could see her spreading the bills out on the table and working with the checkbook, or see her writing a note to a friend, or whatever she was doing. It was all about connection. I'll have to look for it and post it if I can find it.

IMHO, regardless of whether one agrees with the conclusions, I think that the place of electronics in our lives is something worth considering. At least, I'm finding it a valuable practice in my own life.


Blessings,
Lisa R.
Re: We haven't had a Hot Topic in a while... [message #814401 is a reply to message #814398 ] Sun, 25 October 2015 14:12 Go to previous messageGo to next message
MicheleB  is currently offline MicheleB
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Lisa R. wrote on Sun, 25 October 2015 07:42

I don't know that it's that hot among our group, really. After all, that Titus Two stuff is what we're supposed to be about.



You know I was joking about the last comment I made, right?


Michele
Re: We haven't had a Hot Topic in a while... [message #814402 is a reply to message #814393 ] Sun, 25 October 2015 14:17 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Leigh  is currently offline Leigh
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I'm not sure doing an internet search for a recipe for someone else on the internet is actually Titus2 kind of thinking. A Titus2 woman would be teaching younger women how to use the resources they have.


Leigh
Tennessee

"Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety."

~~Benjamin Franklin

Re: We haven't had a Hot Topic in a while... [message #814403 is a reply to message #814401 ] Mon, 26 October 2015 06:54 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Lisa R.  is currently offline Lisa R.
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MicheleB wrote on Sun, 25 October 2015 14:12

Lisa R. wrote on Sun, 25 October 2015 07:42

I don't know that it's that hot among our group, really. After all, that Titus Two stuff is what we're supposed to be about.



You know I was joking about the last comment I made, right?


Yep!


Blessings,
Lisa R.
Re: We haven't had a Hot Topic in a while... [message #814404 is a reply to message #814402 ] Mon, 26 October 2015 07:12 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Lisa R.  is currently offline Lisa R.
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Leigh wrote on Sun, 25 October 2015 14:17

I'm not sure doing an internet search for a recipe for someone else on the internet is actually Titus2 kind of thinking. A Titus2 woman would be teaching younger women how to use the resources they have.


In this day and age, the internet IS a resource we have. I don't think the internet is bad. And most people would prefer I just look up the recipe rather than call them and have them dig through their recipe books. (Although, as the article indicated, I *have* called my mom and enjoyed half an hour of conversation while she dug around for it).

But I do think it's worth thinking about how it fits in with our relationships. Awhile back, I realized how much FB had sucked me in. I was no longer spending time noticing that my oldest had taken a weekend away with friends, and my college kids were struggling with whatever, or that a friend was having a recital or someone was getting married. I was clicking on videos of some "cool" father/daughter wedding dance or a puppy falling down steps, or reading 100 political memes.

(That last is a whole different hot topic...I get the feeling that folks feel that posting these things on FB is the same as *doing* something, but it's not.)

I've already been culling and eliminating and evaluating. What am I really spending my time doing, versus what I *think* I'm spending my time doing?

I also think this group is probably pretty unique in the internet world. I think we really *have* forged a good network of true Titus Two women in a day when it's hard to find real life older women to teach the younger women.

For me, the article was a prompt to continue taking my personal concept of a "year of purpose" a step further. I love my laptop and the access it gives me to the broader outside world. But even as I use it to connect in various ways, I want to be careful not to let it substitute for real life relationships. As always, there is balance to be found, and the balance-point will be different for all of us.


Blessings,
Lisa R.
Re: We haven't had a Hot Topic in a while... [message #814407 is a reply to message #814393 ] Mon, 26 October 2015 11:20 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Rosemary-MI  is currently offline Rosemary-MI
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I am the odd man out in our extended family-I do not have a cell phone. (Ok I have one but only turn it on when I need to call for help or say I'm late) But I do not carry it everywhere with me constantly on, I haven't charged it in 5 months, that's how little it's used.

When we have family parties all the other people sit and tap on their phones the entire time. It's rude and annoying. No one talks anymore. I see it everywhere. People at lunch tapping on the phone and not talking to the person they are there with.

My mom died two years ago and my MIL is very ill with dementia and I miss the talks we use to have. Face to face about everything. I think it's getting to be a lost art.

~Rosemary


I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
Re: We haven't had a Hot Topic in a while... [message #814408 is a reply to message #814393 ] Mon, 26 October 2015 12:03 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Leigh  is currently offline Leigh
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What I mean is that it is not a Titus2 thing for me to do someone else's homework for them. Someone who used the internet to reach me can use the internet to find out how to cook a roast or plant zinnias.

I feel like people who ask for a recipe should get the link to the recipe. There might be other recipes there they might like.

If someone wants to talk about life and whatnot, then please pick up the phone and we can talk. Or make a date for coffee.


Leigh
Tennessee

"Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety."

~~Benjamin Franklin

Re: We haven't had a Hot Topic in a while... [message #814409 is a reply to message #814408 ] Mon, 26 October 2015 15:22 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Lisa R.  is currently offline Lisa R.
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Leigh wrote on Mon, 26 October 2015 12:03

What I mean is that it is not a Titus2 thing for me to do someone else's homework for them. Someone who used the internet to reach me can use the internet to find out how to cook a roast or plant zinnias.

I feel like people who ask for a recipe should get the link to the recipe. There might be other recipes there they might like.

If someone wants to talk about life and whatnot, then please pick up the phone and we can talk. Or make a date for coffee.


Gotcha. Makes sense.


Blessings,
Lisa R.
Re: We haven't had a Hot Topic in a while... [message #814411 is a reply to message #814408 ] Tue, 27 October 2015 01:39 Go to previous messageGo to next message
MicheleB  is currently offline MicheleB
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Leigh wrote on Mon, 26 October 2015 12:03

What I mean is that it is not a Titus2 thing for me to do someone else's homework for them. Someone who used the internet to reach me can use the internet to find out how to cook a roast or plant zinnias.


This is where I would personally much rather have a personal interaction to learn how to plant zinnias or to get a recipe. I like (value) the connection. Plus it's often while we're planting zinnias or copying recipes that real life *does* happen, people open up and share what's on their hearts and real Titus Two moments can happen.

I know what different people consider "connections" vary; but I wanted to point out that what might seem a mundane search for a recipe to one could end up being a Titus Two heart-to-heart for another. Smile


Michele
Re: We haven't had a Hot Topic in a while... [message #814418 is a reply to message #814393 ] Tue, 27 October 2015 23:10 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Leigh  is currently offline Leigh
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And to be honest, I think very little of what happens on the Internet is real life. The Internet has given people a wall behind which to hide their true selves. Of the very few people I follow on FB, one of them is very honest about her mom fails. Which are not really fails at all. The pictures of her kids are always outdoors, beautifully tousled, and smudged. I've known this woman since she was 11 years old, and she is exactly how she presents herself. Almost nobody does that.

This woman is one of the few people who gives me hope in my Titus2 calling. All the rest are perfect already.


Leigh
Tennessee

"Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety."

~~Benjamin Franklin

Re: We haven't had a Hot Topic in a while... [message #814420 is a reply to message #814418 ] Wed, 28 October 2015 01:28 Go to previous messageGo to next message
~Janice  is currently offline ~Janice
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Nothing replaces a real life, face-to-face, conversation and relationship. The Internet is awesome and we may not need to seek out a Titus2 advisor for recipes etc. but conversation and sharing is the real way to learn *life*. Good article. Thanks for sharing.


TAKE TIME FOR FRIENDS!

Janice T. ~ CHF member since 09/97 ~
Mom to four - ds 28, dd 26, dd 24 and ds 21 - and wife to my sweet husband Richard.
Re: We haven't had a Hot Topic in a while... [message #814422 is a reply to message #814418 ] Wed, 28 October 2015 07:38 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Robin H.  is currently offline Robin H.
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Thinking about this, Leigh, and trying to make sure I'm not presenting perfection or that I look like I have all the answers. But there are some cautions I think. My very negative brother used to complain a lot about Christmas newsletters, how they presented glowing people accomplishing major goals, and never said anything real or bad. I used to try and argue that I liked them, they kept me up on things; I like rejoicing with others, but I would try and be realistic in my newsletters when I sent them (a long time ago now!). But I really think he was wrong; many did lay out struggles, and I don't necessarily think it's wrong to put out the good stuff on FB either. I don't think it's the platform to bare your soul. The mommy bloggers are good at that and often do; that's their "trade". And it's helpful and gets them more clicks. But I see negative things, struggles, online too with those I know.

And really, some of us come from families or have a tendency to be very negative and downcast and complaining about so much in our lives. Sometimes putting out good things is very helpful to climbing out of that pit. I think my brother needs to do more of that as do I.

And as far as information from an older generation instead of google, for me it is helpful to see an array of opinions/methods. Sometimes I have been too easily swayed on a position (i.e. childrearing) because of the people I know IRL who advocate it. Made some mistakes that way frankly. And I still seek advice or listen to others via the internet, but I get a more whole picture of the issue.

My grown daughters with children often ask me for advice and sometimes I can give it but really, their families are very different from my family and my children are very different from theirs. Even within my 4 children, what worked with one, didn't work with another. So I advise with caution.

Thinking more but these are my first thoughts. I hope I'm understanding you and the question adequately.

Robin H.
Re: We haven't had a Hot Topic in a while... [message #814429 is a reply to message #814422 ] Wed, 28 October 2015 12:34 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Jamie
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Robin H. wrote on Wed, 28 October 2015 07:38

Thinking about this, Leigh, and trying to make sure I'm not presenting perfection or that I look like I have all the answers. But there are some cautions I think. My very negative brother used to complain a lot about Christmas newsletters, how they presented glowing people accomplishing major goals, and never said anything real or bad. I used to try and argue that I liked them, they kept me up on things; I like rejoicing with others, but I would try and be realistic in my newsletters when I sent them (a long time ago now!). But I really think he was wrong; many did lay out struggles, and I don't necessarily think it's wrong to put out the good stuff on FB either. I don't think it's the platform to bare your soul. The mommy bloggers are good at that and often do; that's their "trade". And it's helpful and gets them more clicks. But I see negative things, struggles, online too with those I know.

And really, some of us come from families or have a tendency to be very negative and downcast and complaining about so much in our lives. Sometimes putting out good things is very helpful to climbing out of that pit. I think my brother needs to do more of that as do I.

And as far as information from an older generation instead of google, for me it is helpful to see an array of opinions/methods. Sometimes I have been too easily swayed on a position (i.e. childrearing) because of the people I know IRL who advocate it. Made some mistakes that way frankly. And I still seek advice or listen to others via the internet, but I get a more whole picture of the issue.

My grown daughters with children often ask me for advice and sometimes I can give it but really, their families are very different from my family and my children are very different from theirs. Even within my 4 children, what worked with one, didn't work with another. So I advise with caution.

Thinking more but these are my first thoughts. I hope I'm understanding you and the question adequately.

Robin H.


Michele - I like asking questions, even if an internet search can be done, from people I trust - even if that trust has only been gained via online. There are only two groups of women, CHF being one, that I have been with for nearly...gosh, it has to be something like 10-15 years(!?!?).

Have you seen the passive aggressive "Let me google that for you?" search engine?

Robin - LOL, I'm so FB oriented now that I looked for the "like" button on your post.


I appreciate the non-complaining, sharing struggles without trying to spin it into a pat-me-on-the-back spiritual lesson. I mean, sometimes when people see a spiritual connect, it's great to share, but I appreciate the real stuff without trying to make things pretty, too. I suppose, like your brother, when I see perfection only it either feels fishy or makes me more regretful. For example, and maybe this isn't a good showing of *me* even within Titus Two boards, I appreciate the lessons shared from IRL when it's been a woman who has also been open enough to share her struggles/imperfections more so from those who seem (at least to me) more unattainable because they've never displayed their humanness. Does that make sense? I don't know, I can "hear" heart in one, and merely "instruction" from the other.


Peace
Re: We haven't had a Hot Topic in a while... [message #814438 is a reply to message #814393 ] Wed, 28 October 2015 22:47 Go to previous message
Leigh  is currently offline Leigh
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I think there are some moms who are honest enough to say they are sick of jumping through hoops to look good for their friends. I'm in travel and tourism and I talk to people from all over the place every day.

At Christmas a woman said, "I'm so sick of that [silly] Elf [on a Shelf] I don't know what to do. Seeing what people do on FB and Pinterest makes me crazy. I can't stay up and make it spill cornflakes or squeeze the toothpaste. I'm exhausted."

I feel her pain. "An Elf is a doll. It's not you. Your kids will remember your presence and be thankful for it. They will grow up not to put that kind of pressure on themselves and their kids will be better for it."

That's a Titus2 moment for me. With a complete stranger that might not even be a Christian.


Leigh
Tennessee

"Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety."

~~Benjamin Franklin

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