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Home » CHFWeb Libraries » Titus Two Library » newborn help! Ahhh!!!
icon9.gif  newborn help! Ahhh!!! [message #535252] Tue, 19 May 2009 11:21 Go to next message
Stephanie  is currently offline Stephanie
Messages: 22
Registered: March 2009
Location: Dothan, AL
Junior Member
I just had my first baby, Caleb, 4 weeks ago; and I am having a really difficult time!!! !!! !!!

We were trying to do "Babywise" simply because everyone and their mother recommended it, but I must be doing something wrong or I must need some wiser advice! Caleb has a hard time falling asleep for naps; he just cries and cries and cries for 45 minutes to up to an hour. I have tried going in there every 15 minutes and calming him down, but he still cries for a long time. Then, he will just fall asleep suddenly in the midst of a particularly loud cry and will only sleep for 15 or 30 minutes. In the book, Ezzo calls that a neurological shutdown and not a nap. He recommends cutting back awake time by 15 minute increments so the baby can't get overstimulated.

Is he staying up too long after a feeding and before a nap? But then, how long should he nap in a 3-hour feeding cycle? He feeds for 30 minutes, but a feeding ends up being 45 minutes with diaper changes and latching on time. So that leaves about 2 to 2.5 hours before he feeds again. If he is 4 weeks old, how much of that time should I play with him and be awake with him and how much of that time should he be napping?

Some people have told me that he is too young to "cry it out" and that he won't learn to "self-soothe" until about 2 months of age. They basically said that I am a bad parent if I let him cry himself to sleep at this young because he doesn't have the ability to do that. Are they right? If I should continue the crying himself to sleep method, how long is TOO long? What am I doing wrong?

Please pray for Caleb and for me!!! I am a sleep-and-shower-deprived wreck, and I sometimes feel like he deserves a better mommy who knows what she is doing Crying or Very Sad. Also, any breastfeeding tips on latching-on would be greatly appreciated. Caleb keeps falling back down (Don't want to be too graphic) and hurting me/making me sore. Hm. I hope that wasn't too much info. Please pray and please send advice!


Stephanie of Alabama

[Updated on: Tue, 19 May 2009 17:23]

Re: newborn help! Ahhh!!! [message #535256 is a reply to message #535252 ] Tue, 19 May 2009 11:36 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Chris, GA  is currently offline Chris, GA
Messages: 3217
Registered: April 2005
Senior Member
((((((Stephanie))))))))

This is such a precious, yet trying time for a new momma! Being sleep deprived makes everything worse, I truly understand.

Personally, I would experiment until I found what works for YOU and YOUR BABY and not go by a book. Babies are constantly changing and so are their needs. I just don't think it's realistic to try to follow a schedule without a lot of flexibility Smile.

I'm not a big fan of letting wee ones such as yours cry for long amounts of time. Nor do I think that letting them cry for 10 or 20 minutes will scar them for life.

I would far rather hear that you are *enjoying* your precious one and meeting your needs as well as his through creativity and help from family/friends, then for you to try to fit into a mold that your baby may just not be cut out for.

As far as b'feeding, can you prop him up with a pillow?

I know you will get a lot of wonderful advice here! I think it's great that you are asking experienced mommas for some tips Smile.


Chris, GA
Re: newborn help! Ahhh!!! [message #535259 is a reply to message #535252 ] Tue, 19 May 2009 11:46 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Kim L. from MO  is currently offline Kim L. from MO
Messages: 2235
Registered: April 2005
Location: Missouri
Senior Member
Without turning this into a hot topic, I would do what works for you, and not what this specific book suggests. Anything that squelches your natural instinct to comfort your baby is wrong, in my opinion.

Nursing in the early weeks is not what it is several months down the road, when it is more established, more enjoyable, and no longer painful. Trying to schedule that really never worked for me, I was committed to it whenever needed, even if only for comfort. It is also my favorite memory of the early years, never got old.


"....And if your Master’s truth offends the gentlemen to whom you speak of it let them be offended. His name we must confess; of His glory we will continually talk…" Charles Spurgeon
Re: newborn help! Ahhh!!! [message #535261 is a reply to message #535252 ] Tue, 19 May 2009 11:55 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Kim L. from MO  is currently offline Kim L. from MO
Messages: 2235
Registered: April 2005
Location: Missouri
Senior Member
Stephanie wrote on Tue, 19 May 2009 10:21

Is he staying up too long after a feeding and before a nap? But then, how long should he nap in a 3-hour feeding cycle? He feeds for 30 minutes, but a feeding ends up being 45 minutes with diaper changes and latching on time. So that leaves about 2 to 2.5 hours before he feeds again. If he is 4 weeks old, how much of that time should I play with him and be awake with him and how much of that time should he be napping?




Ok, still thinking. What I have done was nurse my baby, change their diaper, and hold them, or put them in a pumpkin seat that was near me. They will go to sleep, if they aren't already. This is your opportunity to take your shower, or rest.

I would let them sleep for at least several hours, and wake them to nurse. You can start establishing a loose pattern throughout the day. I would work on more nursings during the day so that they would be able to sleep longer periods at night.

I think too often that is our end goal with a baby, trying to get them to sleep through the night. Of 6 kids, only 1 of ours did that at a young age.

Nursing does get more efficient as they get older and bigger. Nothing is sweeter than seeing them look at you with a little grin while they are still latched on. What nursing position are you using? Once they are big enough to nurse while laying down, your troubles are over, you can sleep too. I have never been able to "sleep" in the upright position.

Congratulations!!! There is nothing like having your first baby. That is so far back for many of us, that we rejoice with this new experience for you.


"....And if your Master’s truth offends the gentlemen to whom you speak of it let them be offended. His name we must confess; of His glory we will continually talk…" Charles Spurgeon
Re: newborn help! Ahhh!!! [message #535269 is a reply to message #535252 ] Tue, 19 May 2009 12:21 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Kate Megill  is currently offline Kate Megill
Messages: 6501
Registered: April 2005
Location: NW rural Illinois
Senior Member

Honey, I sooo understand about the sleep/shower deprivation! I have 8 children and have gone through it all. Know that I'm praying for you both!

Let me say that there are certain philosophies in certain infant raising books that I do not agree with, especially things that become a 'formula' for raising babies rather than tenderly understanding the needs of a Mom and Baby on a personal basis.

Right now, the important thing is for you to be feeding and HELPING your baby to sleep. A 4 week old's sleep pattern is very irratic, but MOST of their day is spent in and out of sleep - probably sleeping up to 20 out of a 24 hour day.

Also, in the first 2 months, they really should be eating every 1 1/2 to 2 hours. In 2 hours breast milk is COMPLETELY digested and their little tummies are empty. When a baby is a little older (closer to 2-3 months) they will begin lengthening their times between nursings, but for now, it is quite possible that your little one is just hungry.

I am also not a fan or advocate of letting newborns "cry it out". It is one thing if a baby is fed, changed and won't sleep and is just crying. I tend to cuddle and comfort to help them feel comforted. If they are just screaming and won't be consoled, I might lie them down for 10-15 min. to give me an emotional/mental break - but NOT to make them "learn" to put themselves to sleep. If he is crying up to 45 min, he is not learning to fall asleep and definitely needs your comforting arms about him.

Since you are asking for advice, I would suggest nursing your baby more frequently, even allowing him to fall asleep while nursing. I would suggest lots of cuddling and rocking. If he wakes up screaming after only 15 min on a REGULAR basis (day and night) I would have him checked by a doctor to make sure he has no ear infection (I would even suggest taking him to a chiropractor - sometimes babies need adjustments after the birthing process). If that all seems fine, check to see what you are eating. Chocolate, dairy, onions, broccoli, lettuce are all gas producing foods and could be affecting Caleb's digestion causing him tummy pain and lots of crying.

If he is struggling with nursing, I would see if you have a lactation consultant at your local hospital who can give you some help or maybe an older (wise) mom who knows what she is doing to come over and help. You could also call Le Leche League who would be more than happy to help (this is their specialty). Check his tongue to make sure that it isn't attached too close to his teeth. If he cannot stick his tongue out far enough, he won't be able to latch on very well and will cause LOTS of problems (it would need to be cut by the doctor, if it is).

You might want to consider pumping some milk and giving him this in a bottle after you finish nursing to see if he is just not getting enough milk in a nursing. If he falls asleep contented, then you know that some changes need to be made with the nursing to make sure that he is able to get enough.


In His Joy and Grace,

Kate

Re: newborn help! Ahhh!!! [message #535271 is a reply to message #535252 ] Tue, 19 May 2009 12:26 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Laura in VA  is currently offline Laura in VA
Messages: 3959
Registered: January 2007
Senior Member
((((Hugs))))

Honey throw the book out the window!!! Forget it...forget every single thing that every one has told you!! Look at your baby, hold him hold him hold him...and then do what YOU think YOUR baby needs! God gave YOU this baby...if he wanted someone else to raise it He would have given Caleb to them Wink

Dani is 7 months old now...she has just stopped sleeping ON me for about the last month. For the first six months she and I slept in a recliner. It's by far the easiest place for me to sleep with a nursing itty bitty and have it be safe. That up and down all night thing is for the birds Wink Does that seem extreme...to not have spent one single night in my bed for over six months? Maybe?? But I can tell you that she slept...and *I* slept...and I was able to stay awake during the day to raise my other girls Smile So while possibly extreme...it was extremely effective! Wink

If you don't have a sling I would HIGHLY suggest one!!! If you can't afford one PM me...I'll send you mine! They are a life saver!! The baby just wants Mommy...he won't mind much if he's in the sling or your arms...as long as he's with YOU.

I am all for babies crying it out some...but not anywhere near Calebs age Wink I am just now letting Dani cry for a few mintues...but never to the point of the meltdown completely cry.

I've got to tell you..my house isn't real clean Wink Lots of clutter from all the other kids. The dishes in the sink are piled up at this very moment. I have laundry in a small mountain on the couch that I need to get folded and put away. I have raised all four girls the same way as babies...and I can't help but think that I must have done something right...because I have the happiest bunch of babies I've ever met. And even more important than that...I"M STILL SANE!!! And I've even enjoyed it!! Very Happy

As for nursing...it's so hard when they're itty bitty. I'm not sure how he's sliding down...but I can tell you a pillow is invalauable!! I never bought the fancy ones...just used one of my bed pillows. If he's propped up on there enough he won't be able to slide down. Things will be MUCH better in the next 6 weeks or so...if you can just hang in there the rest of the road will be MUCH smoother. It won't be long at all before he's able to grab on, latch on...and you'll be able to read a book, play on a laptop...or whatever else you want to do with your hands Wink

((((Hugs)))) You will never get this time back...and as any mother can tell you it FLIES by! What's the right thing to do??? You do whatever it is you YOU need to do to enjoy your baby, to keep him happy and loved...and forget about everything else!!

Praying for you Honey!!


So now the Lord says, "Stop right where you are! Look for the old, godly way; and walk in it. Travel its path and you will find rest for your souls. ~Jer 6:16

Everyone can purchase their freedom by having the courage to forgo the perks of dependency.
Re: newborn help! Ahhh!!! [message #535279 is a reply to message #535252 ] Tue, 19 May 2009 12:57 Go to previous messageGo to next message
PamE
Messages: 3788
Registered: April 2005
Location: AZ (but it's a DRY heat!)
Senior Member
I'm not a big fan of Ezzo to begin with, but I'll try to be nice and not rag on him! Wink Whenever I tried to schedule my babies when they were that young it always backfired on me. Sad I would suggest you wait, at least until your milk supply (and nursing comfort levels) are well established. These litte bitty ones have such tiny tummies that they can't hold a lot of milk at a time, so nuring is always more frequent (probably more frequent than you'd like at this point, lol). I agree with the pillow suggestion. You can either put it under the arm that is holding Caleb, or sometime it was better for me to prop the pillow under my elbow of the arm that was holding the babe.

{{{{HUGS}}}} It's one of those "this too shall pass" times and unfortunately it will pass all too quickly. So you should do what you need to do to enjoy these precious, fleeting moments. I agree with Laura, toss the books out the window! Very Happy


I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. ~Phil 3:13-14~
Re: newborn help! Ahhh!!! [message #535290 is a reply to message #535252 ] Tue, 19 May 2009 13:14 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Sherry in NH  is currently offline Sherry in NH
Messages: 9592
Registered: April 2005
Location: Small Town New Hampshire
Senior Member
Stephanie -- are you also homeschooling your brother?

Tell us how your days/nights are going lately....

<just brainstorming>

Do you have Caleb tucked up in swaddling clothes/blankets, when he goes down for naps? That makes a baby feel safe.

I know that the position of babies sleeping and doctor's recommendations keep changing.

I'm not telling you what to do...but just noting that most of my babies could not sleep on their backs or sides...they almost all were belly-sleepers, which I know is probably not recommended these days.

Vitamin E oil applied directly (and washed off before the baby nurses) really helped me. Does he nurse on both sides or just one? You can usually call the hospital or doctor's office to find a lactation specialist to brainstorm with you about various kinds of holds, etc.


In Jesus

Sherry from NH
Re: newborn help! Ahhh!!! [message #535305 is a reply to message #535252 ] Tue, 19 May 2009 13:44 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Stephanie  is currently offline Stephanie
Messages: 22
Registered: March 2009
Location: Dothan, AL
Junior Member
Yeah, maybe I didn't make it clear about the nursing thing. He will put all that he needs to in his mouth, but then after a few sucks, he will fall down to just holding a little bit in his mouth (if you know what I mean...) and that is what HURTS! He isn't "falling down" out of my arms or anything. He is just pulling away from where he needs to be positioned at. But I don't know what to do to prevent it. (?)

We have tried the swaddling clothes and on his back, and he HATES it! So, we just moved everything but the crib sheets out of the bed and put him on his belly. I know we shouldn't, but that is what works!

I got the 3 hour feeding cycle because that is what he kinda picked out himself. The pediatrician said feeding every 2.5 to 3 hours is normal. So, he shouldn't be hungry when I put him down.

I am loving the advice! Keep it coming! I would love to pick everyone's brain and get everybody's 2 cents' worth so I can have more info to go on! Thank you so much!


Stephanie in AL.

Dear Lord,
Thank You, thank You, thank You, thank You, thank You, thank You, thank You, thank You, ....
Re: newborn help! Ahhh!!! [message #535308 is a reply to message #535305 ] Tue, 19 May 2009 13:49 Go to previous messageGo to next message
PamE
Messages: 3788
Registered: April 2005
Location: AZ (but it's a DRY heat!)
Senior Member
Stephanie wrote on Tue, 19 May 2009 10:44

Yeah, maybe I didn't make it clear about the nursing thing. He will put all that he needs to in his mouth, but then after a few sucks, he will fall down to just holding a little bit in his mouth (if you know what I mean...) and that is what HURTS! He isn't "falling down" out of my arms or anything. He is just pulling away from where he needs to be positioned at. But I don't know what to do to prevent it. (?)

Hmmm... I remember the lactation specialists all telling me to keep him pulled in close. Maybe you're not holding him close enough??? A consult with a lactation consultant could really be helpful. If you don't have access to one through your OB or the hospital you delivered at then you can call your local WIC office and see if there is one available there.

We have tried the swaddling clothes and on his back, and he HATES it! So, we just moved everything but the crib sheets out of the bed and put him on his belly. I know we shouldn't, but that is what works!

Two of my four were the same way about back sleeping. Confused

I got the 3 hour feeding cycle because that is what he kinda picked out himself. The pediatrician said feeding every 2.5 to 3 hours is normal. So, he shouldn't be hungry when I put him down.

Some babies are just more snuggly than others and need more contact. It's not always an easy thing though. {{{HUGS}}}

I am loving the advice! Keep it coming! I would love to pick everyone's brain and get everybody's 2 cents' worth so I can have more info to go on! Thank you so much!


I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. ~Phil 3:13-14~
Re: newborn help! Ahhh!!! [message #535309 is a reply to message #535269 ] Tue, 19 May 2009 13:50 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Robin H.  is currently offline Robin H.
Messages: 3046
Registered: April 2006
Senior Member
I'm "amening" Kate, Kim, and Laura. All my babies were nursing from start to start every two hours at your baby's age. I'm not a fan of scheduling that early either (and my kids weren't spoiled!). I think that crying it out at that age is not possible. You're not teaching them anything. You want to built trust at the beginning.

And I would nurse like crazy during the day so they're tanked up a little better gradually for night. You just don't know when their growth spurts are coming on. He really sounds hungry from what you've said.

A baby sling is a great thing. It would comfort him and free up your arms.

I'm praying for you. Early motherhood isn't easy.

Robin H.
Re: newborn help! Ahhh!!! [message #535310 is a reply to message #535252 ] Tue, 19 May 2009 13:54 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Chris, GA  is currently offline Chris, GA
Messages: 3217
Registered: April 2005
Senior Member
Stephanie~
When you nurse, his nose and chin should be touching you too, IYKWIM. If he's that close and well supported and still loses his grip Smile, just break the latch and re-latch. I'm no expert, but I think you are both learning together and this should help Smile.


Chris, GA
Re: newborn help! Ahhh!!! [message #535312 is a reply to message #535252 ] Tue, 19 May 2009 14:07 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Lisa R.  is currently offline Lisa R.
Messages: 14916
Registered: April 2005
Location: Georgia
Senior Member

Joining in with the others here...I have 9 kids, and they all had their own nursing/sleeping schedules.

Look at it this way. That precious little bundle was literally attached to you, safe inside you, hearing your heartbeat for 9 solid months. Why in all the world do we expect that suddenly they'll be born and be perfectly sleeping by themselves in a crib...even people take puppies and kittens and give them warm water bottles and little alarm clocks to mimic their moms....why should human babies be so isolated and uncomforted?!

Every mom/baby has to work out their own level of attachment. For myself, I'm pretty content to focus pretty much on the baby the first few months. It takes an average of 4 weeks to *begin* to get a nursing schedule going. It's all about supply and demand. If you limit the baby's nursing, you're limiting your baby's milk supply. If the milk supply is limited, you may end up with a hungrier baby. Hungry babies are fussy.

Plus, nursing is not only for nourishment; it's also for comfort. It's a way to "force" Mom to pay attention to her little one, so he can get the closeness and security that he needs.

If you pick up your crying baby and he starts "rooting around," it's usually best to go ahead and nurse him. That's what he's trying to accomplish; that's what his cries are telling you. If he's doing it ALL the time, you could always try a pacifier. Some babies just have a stronger sucking need than others.

I am totally against letting little babies "cry it out." They can, however, be put down for a little bit as a break for the mom, as Kate mentioned.

It is my very strong opinion that we build security in our babies when we respond to their cries. They learn than Mom can be depended on, and later than God can be depended on. Lots of people disagree, and don't respond to their babies, as you have been advised...and lots of those babies grow up to be just fine, so I can't objectively say that's a hard and fast thing. It's just what I think.

I totally agree with Laura. Get rid of the books, and pay attention to your particular baby. Maybe he's not "standard textbook" case...maybe God gave him to you because you are the best one to manage his needs (actually...no maybe about it! Smile)

See what he seems to need and work with that. Does he quiet when you nurse him? Then nurse him. Does he quiet when you hold him? Then hold him. Do what works, and not what the books or your neighbors or even any of us right here say. Ask God for wisdom for raising your own little one, and trust the One who gave him to you.


Blessings,
Lisa R.
Re: newborn help! Ahhh!!! [message #535335 is a reply to message #535312 ] Tue, 19 May 2009 15:17 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Tamara Eaton
Messages: 4955
Registered: April 2005
Location: South
Senior Member
Great advice already given here, just wanted to add my hearty AMEN and also congratulations on your new precious little one! This can be a challenging time, but it is OH so worth it!

I'm also one who was very relaxed and just ENJOYED that baby in the early weeks and months (and in the years to come, too, of course! Wink). The Lord will give you His wisdom and encouragement in nurturing and attending to your baby's needs.

Praying for you! The first six weeks are the most challenging and then it generally gets so much easier and you fall into more of a natural routine.

[Editing to add, try to take little naps when your baby does, it helps! That's not the time to try to catch up on housework! Smile ]

[Updated on: Tue, 19 May 2009 15:20]


Blessings,
Tamara

"There is always enough time to do the will of God. Don't Waste Your Life!"
Re: newborn help! Ahhh!!! [message #535363 is a reply to message #535252 ] Tue, 19 May 2009 17:22 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Stephanie  is currently offline Stephanie
Messages: 22
Registered: March 2009
Location: Dothan, AL
Junior Member
Okay, I have a new question, too! Smile Does anyone have any other book recommendations that really helped them? I know not to let my parenting style be ruled by any book, but I would love to just read and obtain more info. Suggestions on where to start??


Stephanie in AL.

Dear Lord,
Thank You, thank You, thank You, thank You, thank You, thank You, thank You, thank You, ....
Re: newborn help! Ahhh!!! [message #535364 is a reply to message #535363 ] Tue, 19 May 2009 17:26 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Terri in NY  is currently offline Terri in NY
Messages: 5088
Registered: April 2005
Location: NY
Senior Member
Stephanie wrote on Tue, 19 May 2009 17:22

Okay, I have a new question, too! Smile Does anyone have any other book recommendations that really helped them? I know not to let my parenting style be ruled by any book, but I would love to just read and obtain more info. Suggestions on where to start??


I always liked the "What to Expect" books. There is one called, "What to Expect the First Year."


"Blessed is the woman who has a smile in her voice, a sparkle in her eyes, a song on her lips; a spring in her step, a warmth in her touch, a depth to her beauty, a purpose for her life, a joy in her faith, a hope in her breast and a love in her heart."
Re: newborn help! Ahhh!!! [message #535453 is a reply to message #535305 ] Tue, 19 May 2009 22:40 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Sherry in NH  is currently offline Sherry in NH
Messages: 9592
Registered: April 2005
Location: Small Town New Hampshire
Senior Member
>Yeah, maybe I didn't make it clear about the nursing thing. He will put all that he needs to in his mouth, but then after a few sucks, he will fall down to just holding a little bit in his mouth (if you know what I mean...) and that is what HURTS! He isn't "falling down" out of my arms or anything. He is just pulling away from where he needs to be positioned at. But I don't know what to do to prevent it. (?)<

Also, some babies are "tongue-tied" and nursing doesn't work very well for them, but there's a way to help them, medically. A lactation specialist can check for that rare event.


In Jesus

Sherry from NH
Re: newborn help! Ahhh!!! [message #535458 is a reply to message #535305 ] Tue, 19 May 2009 22:51 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Sherry in NH  is currently offline Sherry in NH
Messages: 9592
Registered: April 2005
Location: Small Town New Hampshire
Senior Member
>We have tried the swaddling clothes and on his back, and he HATES it!<

Okay -- most of mine liked it when they were little; one didn't. It has to be the right tautness, not too tight, not too loose...some ol' grandma can show you how to do it Smile

<more brainstorming>

One of ours was a very hot baby...so you could also check the temperature of the room -- too hot? too cold? just riiiight? <Three Bears flashback there ;-)>

We had two classicly colicky babies, fixed via chiropractors.

We had one baby that cried non-stop for quite a while. My mom said: take all the baby's clothes off and look him over, just to make sure there's no pins or whatever. Turned out, one of my hairs was wrapped tightly around his teensy toe...we had to cut the hair off...

I did a responsive, but more or less scheduled nursing thing with my babies...two-three hours, stretching to a four hour schedule as they got older...eventually dropping the night-time feeding. Which is not from a book, but what was passed down multi-generationally in my family. Except my mom and grandma were not allowed to nurse by their doctors for some unexplained to them reason.

Some of my babies would go down, but needed to be patted for two minutes to sleep. One I could just leave and he'd go right to sleep. My first I made the mistake of letting me be his comfort measure and letting him nurse to sleep (debatable issue, I'm sure)...as he got older, he could *not* go to sleep without me. It was hardest to get him to sleep in a bed.

All of mine [once the two were solved of their colic] would wake about 20-40 minutes into their nap...and if I let them root around and settle themselves without getting them totally up (barring something major) then they learned to settle themselves to sleep.

Another thing I learned with number four out of four was that I had been doing the cycle: wake/feed/play/feed/play/feed/play/change/feed/sometimes change again/sleep and she did really well with the cycle: wake/feed thoroughly/play/change/sleep.

Is the napping place quiet? Is it away from where you are?

One of mine (the first) was *extremely* sensitive to wet diapers -- we probably went through 20 a day. It was crazy. So he couldn't sleep if he were the least bit wet.

This is probably going to sound really strange, but with my first one, I had to be really careful how much I thought about him when he was napping. I'd think about him and he'd wake up and start crying. <grin> Kinda like when you feel your milk let down, just as the baby wakes up ready to nurse.

[Updated on: Tue, 19 May 2009 22:52]


In Jesus

Sherry from NH
Re: newborn help! Ahhh!!! [message #535496 is a reply to message #535363 ] Wed, 20 May 2009 00:28 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Lu-Anne  is currently offline Lu-Anne
Messages: 622
Registered: April 2005
Location: NY
Senior Member
Stephanie wrote on Tue, 19 May 2009 17:22

Okay, I have a new question, too! Smile Does anyone have any other book recommendations that really helped them? I know not to let my parenting style be ruled by any book, but I would love to just read and obtain more info. Suggestions on where to start??


I've always been a fan of Martha & Dr. William Sears. He is a pediatrician and together they have I think 6+ children. His philosophy is along the lines of attachment parenting. (basically what the ladies have already been sharing)

Here is a link to his website. http://www.askdrsears.com/ I believe he may also do an advice column for one of the baby/parent magazines.


Lu-Anne
Re: newborn help! Ahhh!!! [message #535507 is a reply to message #535252 ] Wed, 20 May 2009 05:11 Go to previous messageGo to next message
quiltmonkey  is currently offline quiltmonkey
Messages: 74
Registered: July 2008
Location: Eastern PA
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Stephanie - I don't recommnend books other than the one the pediatrian recommended for basic diagnosing. The books can drive you crazy!!!!!
Re: newborn help! Ahhh!!! [message #535539 is a reply to message #535363 ] Wed, 20 May 2009 08:34 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Lisa R.  is currently offline Lisa R.
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Registered: April 2005
Location: Georgia
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Stephanie wrote on Tue, 19 May 2009 17:22

Okay, I have a new question, too! Smile Does anyone have any other book recommendations that really helped them? I know not to let my parenting style be ruled by any book, but I would love to just read and obtain more info. Suggestions on where to start??


Every book that any of us recommends will reflect a different parenting style. Some will tell you to put the baby down and let it cry it out; another will tell you to hold the baby all the time and don't put him down. One will tell you to nurse to this schedule and another to nurse to that schedule, and another not to schedule, and another to quit nursing and put him on a bottle.

Every book on parenting is written by a person with an opinion...a person who doesn't know your child.

My strong suggestion is to read God's Word. Look up references to babies and children in the Word. It won't tell you how long or how often to nurse, but you might develop a bit more of a "mindset" before looking into other things.

If I remember correctly, Tracy's recommendation of "What to Expect..." is more of a "this is how babies are," than "this is what to do with your baby." I'd probably start there.

I learned a tremendous amount with my first baby, by going to other moms in the church who had babies. But, there again, whatever counsel you receive, filter it through YOUR experience with YOUR child.


Blessings,
Lisa R.
Re: newborn help! Ahhh!!! [message #535564 is a reply to message #535252 ] Wed, 20 May 2009 09:49 Go to previous messageGo to next message
lcourtneymom(Leah)  is currently offline lcourtneymom(Leah)
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You have already gotten some excellent advice. I second and third (and fourth) what has been said about not over scheduling or letting a baby that young "cry it out." This is not Hot Topics, so I won't launch into my anti-Ezzo rant Wink but I have had some bad experiences there.

I did enjoy the Sears books that Lu-Anne recommended, but as Lisa said, too many books can just be confusing. Confused

One thing I wanted to mention from my experience: My oldest child was a looong nurser. She would nurse and sleep, literally attached to me for 45 minutes to an hour or more. It was fine when I didn't have anything else to do. Most of the time I could just sit and hold her and let her do it. But, if I was trying to walk out the door or finish dinner, I had to get her to "hurry." So I would keep her awake by having a cool washrag close. When she started drifting off, I would sponge her face and rouse her to get her to maintain her proper latch and keep nursing. Then she could finish and we could go. But, I tried not to let this be the norm. I tried to let her nurse and cuddle as often as possible. If your son's latch shifts until it is painful, put your finger in his mouth and gently break the latch, then just cuddle until you see if he wants to nurse more. Then you can "start over" and get him latched on the right way again.

As Laura said, throw all the baby book advice out the window and enjoy your baby. Very Happy


Leah

Wife of Jason (17 years), mom to dd( 12 ), ds(11), dd(8) and dd(6)

I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him." Lam.3:24

Re: newborn help! Ahhh!!! [message #535603 is a reply to message #535252 ] Wed, 20 May 2009 11:21 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Kate Megill  is currently offline Kate Megill
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You know, Stephanie, I never read any of those books until my 5th or 6th were born. Kevin and I really based our decisions on what to do (as far as parenting philosophies) from looking at the Lord's character and actions in scripture and trying to mimic those. I'm not meaning to sound "spiritual", it's just that most of these books weren't around 22/23 years ago! We went to the only source we had for PERFECT parenting. We did ask an older gal in the church (she was the ONLY person with children in our college church) about some things (practical things) but even then found we didn't agree with her parenting style.


In His Joy and Grace,

Kate

Re: newborn help! Ahhh!!! [message #535606 is a reply to message #535363 ] Wed, 20 May 2009 11:27 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Kim L. from MO  is currently offline Kim L. from MO
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Stephanie wrote on Tue, 19 May 2009 16:22

Okay, I have a new question, too! Smile Does anyone have any other book recommendations that really helped them? I know not to let my parenting style be ruled by any book, but I would love to just read and obtain more info. Suggestions on where to start??


CHF Web, by far, is my favorite resource for sound Biblical advice that is practical.


"....And if your Master’s truth offends the gentlemen to whom you speak of it let them be offended. His name we must confess; of His glory we will continually talk…" Charles Spurgeon
Re: newborn help! Ahhh!!! [message #535727 is a reply to message #535252 ] Wed, 20 May 2009 19:28 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Tina  is currently offline Tina
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Registered: April 2005
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I haven't read all the other replies, but it was so helpful for me to have a real person, a lactation expert, there at the hospital after I had my 5th baby. I got over the embarrassment, the lady saw how I was nursing the baby, and immediately saw what needed to change. If you can't find a lactation expert, I would read some how-to guide (perhaps by La Leche League), not a real parenting philosophy book, but more of a proper latch-on techniques kind of guide.

Also, you mentioned that your baby picked a 3 hour schedule. Keep in mind that when babies have *growth spurts* they will feed more often.

I read, tried, and ditched Babywise.

I read Dr. Sears, and I generally agreed with their techniques, but I also felt guilty for ever letting the baby cry for one minute, and I developed an unhealthy new fear of doctors.

Blessings as you enjoy your new little one!

[Updated on: Wed, 20 May 2009 19:30]

Re: newborn help! Ahhh!!! [message #537069 is a reply to message #535252 ] Mon, 25 May 2009 07:16 Go to previous messageGo to next message
kellya  is currently offline kellya
Messages: 383
Registered: February 2006
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Hi there Stephanie,

I'm just now getting back from a weeklong vacation. I was able to do a quick check of CHFweb but I don't think I got beyond the general area until today.

First off congratulations on Caleb. What a blessing! What a gift.

Yes, the first weeks can be really difficult and trying. It doesn't help that your hormones are probably sending you on an emotional roller coaster ride that nobody could've truly prepared you for.

I'll put my cards on the table and say that I disagree with about everything Gary Ezzo says and writes. I could go on and on but won't. I also am saddened when I meet new moms using his methods. For those succeeding with his methods, I feel sad because I know that they often put Ezzo up there with God and sometimes push it on other new moms. For those suffering under his advice I am also saddened because I know that they are often stuck there out of fear: "Oh, I can't bear to hear little Elizabeth cry but if I pick her up now, a good hour before feeding time, I will ruin her schedule... blah blah blah."

Remember, Stephanie, that God chose YOU to be Caleb's mother. And God has a plan for you (and Caleb), a prosperous plan! Turn to him in prayer and He'll give you all you need to be a great mother to Caleb and any other children that He's got all planned out for YOU. Just remember that.

I am a mom of four (not as experienced as some moms on the board but a little more than a brand new mom) and one of my babies would've been a terrific Ezzo baby. She slept through the night at about a week old on her own accord and she created her own schedule and could go longer between feedings than the other three, who all would be horrible Ezzo babies. They all took much longer to sleep through the night, to stretch out the time between their feedings, and needed a lot more cuddling than my easy going baby.

As for books, I like the Sears books too, but to me they are also a bit extreme in certain areas for MY preference. While I was totally not an Ezzo mom, I wasn't a Sears mom too. The What to Expect books are fine BUT with all my babies arriving early, I found that their milestones lists worried me more than assured me as all my babies (except that one easy going one) reached many milestones later than they "should" according to these Expect books.

For medical guidance (should I call the doctor? is this normal?) I like The Portable Pediatrician for Parents. It has some straightforward advice on child development and illnesses. It is a secular book and reflects the author's world view and has a part (that I just ignore) about going to school. It's by a lady pediatrician named Laura something-or-another.

As for the breastfeeding, you received excellent advice on this thread. Find someone that can observe your nursing such as a lactation consultant (I used one for our first baby who was born 11 weeks early). You might want to go to an LLL meeting nearby, realizing that many of the moms there might not share your faith and nobody hides their parenting philosophies (very attachment style, like the Sears books). They have great breastfeeding advice though.

Keep us updated. I am praying for a smooth time for you. Newborns are beautiful and special but they do drain moms of all their time and energy. It's a foggy time for most of us...



Kelly
Wife to one, 3/88
Mom of four, 6/94, 5/96, 10/98, and 2/01
Re: newborn help! Ahhh!!! [message #537437 is a reply to message #537069 ] Tue, 26 May 2009 09:45 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Stephanie  is currently offline Stephanie
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Registered: March 2009
Location: Dothan, AL
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Oh Praise the LORD! I love all the advice I have received, and I am so glad to hear that it is okay to throw that book out the window! I started feeding Caleb closer together, and he goes down much easier for naps now--after I hold him and pat him on the back for 30 minutes (something I wasn't "allowed" to do earlier). I am enjoying reading Dr. Sears' book on sleep, and it was surprising to read exactly what he says about attachment parenting after hearing so much negative about it.

Anyway, all that to say that I am getting along much better now that we are off of a schedule. I do hold Caleb alot (ALOT alot!), but I don't see a problem in that like I used to. Yes it is alot of work, and no it isn't as convenient as putting him down when I was done holding him; but it is better for Caleb, isn't it? I have read that meeting all a baby's needs helps him to grow up to be more independent and self-sufficient. I am trying NOT to be angry with those in the hospital who told me to put him down so he wouldn't manipulate me by crying--after all, they were just trying to help the best they knew how, even if it was terribly wrong for me and Caleb. And, what is wrong for us might be the best thing for others. But I just wanted to give an update and say THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for being there for me to ask and to listen to! I am so glad I found chfweb (Thanks, Elsie in VA)!

[Updated on: Tue, 26 May 2009 09:47]


Stephanie in AL.

Dear Lord,
Thank You, thank You, thank You, thank You, thank You, thank You, thank You, thank You, ....
Re: newborn help! Ahhh!!! [message #537441 is a reply to message #537437 ] Tue, 26 May 2009 09:53 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Lisa R.  is currently offline Lisa R.
Messages: 14916
Registered: April 2005
Location: Georgia
Senior Member

I'm so glad to hear things are going better. And while everyone may have different experiences, I just have to say that I don't think a newborn is even *able* to manipulate his parents...he's just trying to communicate his actual needs! Others may have different responses from their children, but with my older kids, I followed that sort of advice a lot more, and those children were less secure than my younger children, whom I held and comforted without concern about being "manipulated." I strongly believe in meeting their needs. (Though there is certainly a balance in there!)


Blessings,
Lisa R.
Re: newborn help! Ahhh!!! [message #537493 is a reply to message #537437 ] Tue, 26 May 2009 11:28 Go to previous message
lcourtneymom(Leah)  is currently offline lcourtneymom(Leah)
Messages: 603
Registered: February 2007
Location: SC
Senior Member
Stephanie wrote on Tue, 26 May 2009 09:45

Oh Praise the LORD! I love all the advice I have received, and I am so glad to hear that it is okay to throw that book out the window! I started feeding Caleb closer together, and he goes down much easier for naps now--after I hold him and pat him on the back for 30 minutes (something I wasn't "allowed" to do earlier). I am enjoying reading Dr. Sears' book on sleep, and it was surprising to read exactly what he says about attachment parenting after hearing so much negative about it.

Anyway, all that to say that I am getting along much better now that we are off of a schedule. I do hold Caleb alot (ALOT alot!), but I don't see a problem in that like I used to. Yes it is alot of work, and no it isn't as convenient as putting him down when I was done holding him; but it is better for Caleb, isn't it? I have read that meeting all a baby's needs helps him to grow up to be more independent and self-sufficient. I am trying NOT to be angry with those in the hospital who told me to put him down so he wouldn't manipulate me by crying--after all, they were just trying to help the best they knew how, even if it was terribly wrong for me and Caleb. And, what is wrong for us might be the best thing for others. But I just wanted to give an update and say THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for being there for me to ask and to listen to! I am so glad I found chfweb (Thanks, Elsie in VA)!



I am so glad things are going more smoothly. It is wonderful just to have the freedom to enjoy your baby without being afraid you are doing something "wrong." Confused

Enjoy Caleb! Very Happy


Leah

Wife of Jason (17 years), mom to dd( 12 ), ds(11), dd(8) and dd(6)

I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him." Lam.3:24

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