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Home » CHFWeb Libraries » Titus Two Library » Rabbit trail - dc working - Keepers at home - COLLEGE?
Rabbit trail - dc working - Keepers at home - COLLEGE? [message #137806] Mon, 03 July 2006 21:57 Go to next message
Kathleen
Messages: 74
Registered: May 2005
Member
I'm interested in hearing your thoughts on girls going to college and/or having careers.

Re: Rabbit trail - dc working - Keepers at home - COLLEGE? [message #137839 is a reply to message #137806 ] Tue, 04 July 2006 00:51 Go to previous messageGo to next message
elliemaejune  is currently offline elliemaejune
Messages: 1219
Registered: April 2005
Location: Texas
Senior Member
Of course our daughters should have as much education as possible, and of course they should have careers. Not all of our daughters will be married. Many of them who do marry may end up divorced or widowed and having to support themselves and their children, or their dhs may become disabled and unable to work, so our daughters will have to work. I believe we err if we do not help them to develop marketable skills, and that may certainly include college.


Born again since 1974
Married to Mr. Ellie for over 30 years
Mom to 2 amazing grown-up dds and 2 dsil
Grandmother to 1 beautiful baby boy

A kitten dies every time you use an apostrophe to pluralize.
Re: Rabbit trail - dc working - Keepers at home - COLLEGE? [message #137849 is a reply to message #137839 ] Tue, 04 July 2006 04:26 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Deana  is currently offline Deana
Messages: 516
Registered: May 2005
Location: Mississippi
Senior Member
I agree with ellimaejune. Girls have gifts and talents that should be developed, and some of that may include a college education to enhance that. In addition, I want my sons to marry girls who are educated and have developed their God-given gifts as well.

That said, I also think we have a responsibility to help girls recognize the importance of tthe woman's role in making a house a home and all that is involved in that. I truly enjoy making my children's lives more comfortable by cooking their meals, washing and ironing their clothes, and keeping house. Not to mention developing family relationships and their spiritual lives. I want my dd to recognize her worth in the home and also my sons to cherish having a SAH mom for the better part of their growing up years and look for similar values in a wife.

I have sinus infiection and my thoughts aren't clear but I may post later.


Deana
Re: Rabbit trail - dc working - Keepers at home - COLLEGE? [message #137861 is a reply to message #137806 ] Tue, 04 July 2006 08:10 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Lisa R.  is currently offline Lisa R.
Messages: 14916
Registered: April 2005
Location: Georgia
Senior Member

Our dd is in college. Actually, she would have been just fine not going. In fact, she asked me why should couldn't just stay home and read various books and study her own course of study instead of going for a degree and studying all kinds of ridiculous required courses that she wasn't interested in. We prayed about it and in all honesty didn't have a clear leading one way or the other. Without the clear leading, we thought through the pros and cons and decided (with dd,not for her. Smile) that in our society as it is today, there are so many variables that would leave her having to support herself, and even basic jobs look for a degree on your resume, that we decided college would be a good thing regardless of her plans. If it comes to her finding someone and getting married and dropping out of school for marriage, then that is her choice and we'll support her, of course. But until God leads in a different direction, we decided the wiser course is college.

As it turned out, God really went to some lengths to open doors for school that in the end led all of us to believe we were heading down the right path. She's a flute major, btw, which is something where having the degree will help (if she were to play with symphonies or whatever, a music major is desired of someone who just plays), and also where she can teach from her home if her family needs extra income down the line.

I believe it's a very personal decision. I've seen girls marry and start families right out of high school and be extremely happy,and had that been the siutation for us, we'd have been thrilled as well. I don't necessarily thing one way is right and the other is wrong. Both are right in different circumstances.


Blessings,
Lisa R.
Re: Rabbit trail - dc working - Keepers at home - COLLEGE? [message #137915 is a reply to message #137806 ] Tue, 04 July 2006 11:29 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Leigh  is currently offline Leigh
Messages: 4572
Registered: April 2005
Location: Tennessee
Senior Member
Our daughter graduated college with a teaching license. She taught last year and is now planning to stay home with their children--#1 due in November.


Leigh
Tennessee

"Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety."

~~Benjamin Franklin

WARNING: soapbox approaching... [message #137928 is a reply to message #137806 ] Tue, 04 July 2006 12:13 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Kate Megill  is currently offline Kate Megill
Messages: 6501
Registered: April 2005
Location: NW rural Illinois
Senior Member

***Very strong opinions ahead*** Wink

I have no problem with daughters going to college IF it seems that is God's leading, but I don't think it should be an automatic assumption. Our daughter is taking classes now simply to keep up her insurance. She, like Lisa's daughter, doesn't see the point in taking silly classes that will do nothing to further where she sees God pointing her in the future.

I do NOT believe girls should have "careers". This is not the same as training for a specific job/task. A career is something that defines your life goal, and I personally believe that a woman's life goal should be centered around the home.

Does that mean I won't allow my daughters to get a job? No, but neither does it mean I will encourage it. Yes, my daughters MIGHT remain single and it would be helpful if they could support themselves should we die, but I don't find that super likely. I am NOT planning on a contingency that they might divorce, I don't think that should ever be in my (or their) "what if's" scenario. Should they become widowed, we would have strongly encouraged they and their husbands for him to make wise and abundant provisions for their wives and children.

Should Kevin die now, I would not have to go back to work because he has made sure (even when we had almost no salary) that I would be able to stay home and raise our children according to the plans God had directed us in from our engagement.

I know too many women who have been prepared for a career and when they got married and had children, were reluctant to give up their jobs and stay home to care for their families. They developed a worldly perspective that earning money was the most valuable thing a woman could do. I do NOT want any of my daughters struggling with that mindset, but to have their hearts and vision firmly centered in God's Word and not in worldly philosophies.


In His Joy and Grace,

Kate

Re: WARNING: soapbox approaching... [message #138007 is a reply to message #137928 ] Tue, 04 July 2006 16:39 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Tracy in Peru  is currently offline Tracy in Peru
Messages: 7968
Registered: April 2005
Location: Trujillo, Peru
Senior Member
Well said Kate.

I want my daughters and sons to understand how important a SAHM is. I am completely in favor of education, but I think there are a lot of ways to accomplish that goal.

Careers, no; marketable skills, yes.

I just don't think there is anything more important or more valuable than mom's work in the home. I pray that my children catch that vision for their families.


In Him--Tracy
What do you say to little girls who say I want to be . . . when I grow up? [message #138008 is a reply to message #137806 ] Tue, 04 July 2006 16:44 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Cammie  is currently offline Cammie
Messages: 1861
Registered: April 2005
Location: Tennessee
Senior Member
What do you tell your daughters when they come and say I want to be a ________________ when I grow up. My dd has always wanted to be a Vet when she grows up. This is her passion and she really is gifted with animals. She also wants to be a stay at home mom, but not till after she is a vet. We have friends who are missionaries in China. They went over there as goat inseminators (sp). She talks about how she will be a missionary wife who takes care of peoples animals. In her mind (at age 8)it is figured out. She plans on being a vetinarian missionary wife, who raises animals and kids. She tells us God already told her this. What should I say?

Cammie


Cammie
Cammie, [message #138009 is a reply to message #138008 ] Tue, 04 July 2006 16:46 Go to previous messageGo to next message
denise d
Messages: 6330
Registered: April 2005
Senior Member
I would say okay, and

if God has impressed on her heart at this young age that that is what she is meant for, great! If it is a child's dream that will fade as she moves on to other things and becomes focused on being a wife and mom who is extra talented at caring for animals, great! If she becomes a vet, and then a mom/missionary/vet who cares for farm animals on the savannah of Africa with her family, great! Whatever she does, whatever she ends up doing, just encourage her to continue to listen to God's still small voice in her heart and to fulfill what He is putting there. You're already doing that, I'm sure.

[Updated on: Tue, 04 July 2006 16:50]


God is Love.
Re: What do you say to little girls who say I want to be . . . when I grow up? [message #138020 is a reply to message #138008 ] Tue, 04 July 2006 16:57 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Tracy in Peru  is currently offline Tracy in Peru
Messages: 7968
Registered: April 2005
Location: Trujillo, Peru
Senior Member
Cammie,

We have ran across something similar, and we would have told our daughters to pray for God to lead them to a husband that has a call to missions and loves animals! We try to build into their dreams submission to their husbands and a matching of desires, but overall God's will for their lives.


In Him--Tracy
I agree with you all........... [message #138025 is a reply to message #138020 ] Tue, 04 July 2006 17:37 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Deana  is currently offline Deana
Messages: 516
Registered: May 2005
Location: Mississippi
Senior Member
Like Kate said, a lot of the time "Career" involves a mindset. I have always considered my career to be my children and home. What I obtained my master's for is certainly God-ordained, but everyone who knows me knows I AM A MOM FIRST!!!!

Interesting that Cammie posted about a dd wanting to be a v et. We have dear friends who met in vet school; she was older than he and worked while he was in school. For a while they both worked when Jacob finished, then began having children and she stays home with three beautiful daughters. Yes, this woman with a doctorate STAYS HOME and loves it!! I think she is a great example for those three dds. There is a season for all things God has in store for us. Now that the children are older, I can do this thing God has led me to do and my children are not stuck in day-care and I have all their school vacations, we still do extra stuff like when we homeschooled fulltime and we all are thriving.

This thread made me think of the time I was driving with dd and her first cousin in the car (the one whose mom is a CAREER person) and she asked "Aunt Deana, what do you do?" meaning a job. Well, like stated, I consider myself a mom and was going to school one night a week. I replied "I stay home with my kids." This child, not yet 6 yo, replied with unmistakeable scorn in her voice, "Yes, but do you get PAID for THAT?" That struck me as so sad that at such an early age, she looked down on someone being a mom b/c you don't get a payceck twice a month. How can you put monetary value on doing the best for your family?? You can't.


Deana
Re: I agree with you all........... [message #138037 is a reply to message #138025 ] Tue, 04 July 2006 19:33 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Tracy in Peru  is currently offline Tracy in Peru
Messages: 7968
Registered: April 2005
Location: Trujillo, Peru
Senior Member
Deanna,

"there is a season for all things God has in store for us"

How true. What a wonderful example your friend is to her children.


In Him--Tracy
Re: Rabbit trail - dc working - Keepers at home - COLLEGE? [message #138083 is a reply to message #137849 ] Tue, 04 July 2006 21:57 Go to previous messageGo to next message
elliemaejune  is currently offline elliemaejune
Messages: 1219
Registered: April 2005
Location: Texas
Senior Member
[quote title=Deana wrote on Tue, 04 July 2006 03:26]I
That said, I also think we have a responsibility to help girls recognize the importance of tthe woman's role in making a house a home and all that is involved in that. I truly enjoy making my children's lives more comfortable by cooking their meals, washing and ironing their clothes, and keeping house. Not to mention developing family relationships and their spiritual lives. I want my dd to recognize her worth in the home and also my sons to cherish having a SAH mom for the better part of their growing up years and look for similar values in a wife.quote]

I completely agree with you.


Born again since 1974
Married to Mr. Ellie for over 30 years
Mom to 2 amazing grown-up dds and 2 dsil
Grandmother to 1 beautiful baby boy

A kitten dies every time you use an apostrophe to pluralize.
Re: Rabbit trail - dc working - Keepers at home - COLLEGE? [message #138090 is a reply to message #137806 ] Tue, 04 July 2006 22:09 Go to previous messageGo to next message
BusyMommy  is currently offline BusyMommy
Messages: 1012
Registered: April 2005
Location: East Tennessee
Senior Member
Well I went two years to a vocational high school where I was trained to be a legal secretary. I had no desire at that time to get a college degree. I actually thought I would marry, have a family and be a sahm. Well, that is not what God had in mind at that time. When I was 36 I graduated from college with a BS in Business. I had decided to get the degree when it appeared I would not be getting married and I needed to make more money to support myself and the college degree opened so many more doors for me. I even went so far as to buy my own home.

Well, guess what. When I was 37 I met the man who was to become my dh. We married 10 days from my turning 38 and I had dd when I was 39! Needless to say, I sold my home and moved into dh's home. I haven't used my degree because I am a sahm! Just what I had always wanted to do. Only I worked 19 years before I got to do it!

Pam
Re: Rabbit trail - dc working - Keepers at home - COLLEGE? [message #138106 is a reply to message #137806 ] Wed, 05 July 2006 00:39 Go to previous messageGo to next message
LaurieBeth  is currently offline LaurieBeth
Messages: 284
Registered: May 2006
Senior Member
DH and I had this very conversation today! I was just saying I felt sorry for some of my friends who have struggled with career and family. It would be so hard to leave a great career. You could do it...it would just be hard! It is easy to see why a lot of ladies are very dissatisfied with "having it all". They bought into the world's lie.

My dh looked at me so shocked when I said that I didn't think it necessary our daughter have a college degree....hehe...poor guy...I think he thinks she might get ideas of marriage instead and HIS daughter is NOT marrying before she's 40!!! Laughing (All tongue in cheek of course, but he DID look horrified Laughing )


Blessings,
LaurieBeth


"The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good. "
~Ann Landers

Re: Rabbit trail - dc working - Keepers at home - COLLEGE? [message #138123 is a reply to message #137806 ] Wed, 05 July 2006 02:44 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Charity  is currently offline Charity
Messages: 3518
Registered: April 2005
Senior Member
I'd be interested in hearing why college=education. I do not make that assumption at all. There are many ways to become educated.

Charity
Re: Rabbit trail - dc working - Keepers at home - COLLEGE? [message #138169 is a reply to message #138123 ] Wed, 05 July 2006 09:17 Go to previous message
Lisa R.  is currently offline Lisa R.
Messages: 14916
Registered: April 2005
Location: Georgia
Senior Member

Charity wrote on Wed, 05 July 2006 02:44

I'd be interested in hearing why college=education. I do not make that assumption at all. There are many ways to become educated.

Charity



I totally agree with that. In fact, our ultimate decision when we weren't having a clear leading one way or the other, had to do with the practicality of "having the piece of paper," rather than a thought that her education will be somehow better for having gone. In fact, much of her college experience so far has been frustrating in that it is so godless. She has, however, had many opportunities to witness as she challenges teachers' assumptions and premises in her papers and so forth.

Of course, as a flautist, she is getting excellent instruction that she would never have obtained on her own, so for her goal, it's been a good thing. But her initial plan of reading library books on various subjects would likely have produced as good or better an academic education than many of her college classes thus far.


Blessings,
Lisa R.
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