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Home » CHFWeb Forum » TitusTwo » Big decisions
Big decisions [message #816846] Tue, 17 May 2016 09:30 Go to next message
praise2christ  is currently offline praise2christ
Messages: 2166
Registered: August 2009
Location: Northern KY
Senior Member
How do you ladies make big decisions? I am seriously doubting my ability to make wise choices. We are house hunting right now and I am very discouraged.

I thought I had found the perfect house. It came on the market Sunday evening. It had everything we wanted plus some amazing extras and was $10,000 less than the other houses that top our list. Our realtor tried to schedule an appointment to see it yesterday, but it was already pending! Crying or Very Sad

DH and I had such a strong feeling about this place based on the pictures and a drive-by. It was perfect! I really felt that this must be the house for us. But, obviously, I was wrong.

This has happened so much that I feel like I can't trust myself. It kind of has me dreading house hunting, now. If we are so bad at knowing what God wants for us, how can we pick the right house?

I was positive that the house we were building two years ago was God's plan. Everything seemed to be falling into place at the perfect time. But, then our house wouldn't sell and DH lost his job. I know that things worked out for the best, but our choices obviously weren't the right ones and caused us a lot of heartache.

I have prayed a lot about all of this. I've prayed for wisdom and that He would lead us in the right direction. But, I did that two years ago and with this house, yesterday. It isn't God that I'm not trusting. He obviously is working things out according to His plan. But, I'm not trusting myself. Why must God always use such drastic measures to get me to do what He wants? Why can't I make the right decisions without Him having to push me to them? Why must I cause myself such heartache by truly believing that something is His plan when it clearly is not?

It also makes me fearful. We made such a bad choice with our current home. It ended up costing us so much money over the years ($30,000+) and we are selling for less than we paid. Renting would have been cheaper and much less stressful. Yet, there were no red flags when we bought the house. *Sigh*

So, how do you ladies make a big decision confidently? How do you know what God's plan is?


Stacy, mom to 12-year-old boy/girl twins and a three-year-old boy.

"Every man's life is a fairy tale written by God's finger." Hans Christian Andersen
Re: Big decisions [message #816847 is a reply to message #816846 ] Tue, 17 May 2016 10:16 Go to previous messageGo to next message
PamE
Messages: 3792
Registered: April 2005
Location: AZ (but it's a DRY heat!)
Senior Member
As I was reading through your post, Stacy, the first thing that came to mind was that through all of those things you may not have been on the wrong path! It may seem like bad decisions on your part, but God may have been growing you through those times.

It's something I struggle with, too, and honestly... I think that we can only do our best to make decisions as we feel God is leading us. {{{{HUGS}}}}


I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. ~Phil 3:13-14~
Re: Big decisions [message #816856 is a reply to message #816846 ] Wed, 18 May 2016 09:45 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Lisa R.  is currently offline Lisa R.
Messages: 14917
Registered: April 2005
Location: Georgia
Senior Member

I was going to say the same thing...just because things didn't go as you expected doesn't mean you made the wrong choice. Look at Joseph's life in Genesis. The choices of his brothers and his own choices got him sold into slavery, imprisoned, etc., but God had a bigger purpose. His entire life, full of what I would consider miserable, awful life experiences, all worked together so that he could be in the place to save all of Egypt and the middle east from a famine, and more important, to save the lineage of Jesus (because Jacob's family would have died in the famine without Joseph's interpretation of Pharoah's dreams, and his subsequent plan to prepare for the famine).

I can't say why losing the $30K might have been God's plan for you or what you may have learned or what you might have been saved from in renting (you don't know that it would have been better...lots can happen with rental properties!), but I think that if you are truly seeking the Lord, and you are not ignoring clear signs to go a different way, then you can rest in Him whether or not it seems to be the most pleasant way for you.

Not having the money you've spent/lost on this home may have saved you from greater negative consequences. I always think of all the thousands of people who missed their train or failed to set their alarms, things that seemed bad because they were going to be late to work---but they weren't in the World Trade Center on 9/11.

In Brad's last ministry job, we prayed and prayed for peace about taking the job, and we were absolutely certain that it was where God was leading us. From a worldly standpoint, it was a disastrous 2 years, and ultimately was the last straw in our decision to leave the ministry entirely. But no matter how much we re-thought and went back over things, I cannot believe we made the wrong decision. Go used it for many things in our lives, and ultimately in the growth and life of that church.

All that to say, don't think you aren't hearing God or making wise decisions simply because they don't turn out as you'd think.

As for housing, we found a house we thought we loved, that was in our price range, and thought it was The One. But when we were finally set to put in an offer, it was sold just a day or so before. We actually put offers on three houses, where they were placed under contract a day or so before we offered. We ended up in a lovely house that is just what we needed. Almost immediately, Brad's income dropped, and we thought we'd lose it...5 years later, we're refinancing to be able to fix it and maintain it. It would be easy to say we really couldn't afford it and we made the wrong decision, but just because life has been difficult doesn't mean it was wrong.

And to answer the actual question, I pray over the decision, and seek God's will and His peace. Ultimately, unless I feel a "check" in my spirit, I will go with what seems most logical and makes the most sense. If something isn't a sin, I don't worry too much about it. (Do I take the job as a receptionist in an abortion clinic? NO! But choosing between a receptionist in a bank and a receptionist in a dental clinic, I just look at hours and pay and whatever, and make the choice). I trust in God's Word, particularly Roman 8:28, that He will work all things for good. I usually do not think there is "one right way" to do the mundane things of life, even purchasing a house. This one can be used in our lives to accomplish God's will as well as that one. If it sold while I was thinking it was The One, then I can be assured that it wasn't. No big deal...move on to the next option and see how God works. That's how I do it.

Hope that helps some.


Blessings,
Lisa R.
Re: Big decisions [message #816879 is a reply to message #816846 ] Thu, 19 May 2016 15:56 Go to previous messageGo to next message
praise2christ  is currently offline praise2christ
Messages: 2166
Registered: August 2009
Location: Northern KY
Senior Member
Ladies, thank you. I am feeling much better about everything after praying about it and reading your responses. We are headed back out to house hunt this evening. We did find one house we like the other day, but it was overshadowed by the one we "missed out on". DH thinks that, if we don't find something we are blown away by tonight, we should make an offer on that one. So, we may be in contract in the next couple of days.


Stacy, mom to 12-year-old boy/girl twins and a three-year-old boy.

"Every man's life is a fairy tale written by God's finger." Hans Christian Andersen
Re: Big decisions [message #816889 is a reply to message #816856 ] Fri, 20 May 2016 10:33 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Rosemary-MI  is currently offline Rosemary-MI
Messages: 1314
Registered: April 2005
Location: Lower mid Michigan
Senior Member
Lisa R. wrote on Wed, 18 May 2016 08:45

.And to answer the actual question, I pray over the decision, and seek God's will and His peace. Ultimately, unless I feel a "check" in my spirit, I will go with what seems most logical and makes the most sense. If something isn't a sin, I don't worry too much about it. (Do I take the job as a receptionist in an abortion clinic? NO! But choosing between a receptionist in a bank and a receptionist in a dental clinic, I just look at hours and pay and whatever, and make the choice). I trust in God's Word, particularly Roman 8:28, that He will work all things for good. I usually do not think there is "one right way" to do the mundane things of life, even purchasing a house. This one can be used in our lives to accomplish God's will as well as that one. If it sold while I was thinking it was The One, then I can be assured that it wasn't. No big deal...move on to the next option and see how God works. That's how I do it.

Hope that helps some.


I love this! It's so true. Sometimes things just do not work out the way you thought it would even if things line up in the beginning. I was looking for a part time job at our local library as a sub. They didn't have openings for that for 8 months. Finally they had an opening for a sub (which I really, really wanted). But I had just got a dog a few days before. Dog ended up belonging to someone else and not the person who "gave it up for adoption". I found this out the day after the job opening closed! So...just didn't work out and I know there is a reason for that just haven't figured it out yet!

~Rosemary


I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
Re: Big decisions [message #816901 is a reply to message #816846 ] Sat, 21 May 2016 15:23 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Sherry in NH  is currently offline Sherry in NH
Messages: 9593
Registered: April 2005
Location: Small Town New Hampshire
Senior Member
Short version...I don't trust myself or not...I work with dh as a team and let him make the decision usually on big things and lead our fam....and then trust that God will direct us.


In Jesus

Sherry from NH
Re: Big decisions [message #817056 is a reply to message #816846 ] Sat, 04 June 2016 20:42 Go to previous message
janetR  is currently offline janetR
Messages: 1937
Registered: March 2010
Location: TX
Senior Member
I'm just replying to say that I've been where you've described, Stacy. It really caused a crisis of faith (lasting a couple of years) for me to think that I could never trust that I was hearing God's voice. I think that God can choose to lead people in a way that they know they are hearing his voice, but I think it happens a lot less frequently than we might be led to believe from listening to other Christians talk about their experiences. I think people want to hear from him so badly that sometimes they are not completely honest with themselves. They thought they heard God telling them that thing 1 would happen and it did, but they gloss over the other time they thought they heard God saying that thing 2 would happen and it didn't. In other words, they are not bothered by their faulty listening skills like I was.

I now believe that we are dipping into the realm of prophecy when we think we know what will happen. Allowing ourselves to be led by the Holy Spirit does not mean that we know what will happen, but that we trust Him with the outcome, whatever that may be.

As to how I (try to) make decisions: "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." God is going have to take my mistakes and failures in order to make anything beautiful, because much of the time mistakes and failures are all I have to give.

Even in hindsight, I think it's very rare that we can know this side of heaven whether the Holy Spirit was trying to lead us and whether or not we picked the "right" path. God gave us power to make decisions, and even seemingly big decisions like what job to take or what house to buy may have been completely delegated to us by Almighty God. If He wants me to go a specific direction, I'm going to have to trust that He'll make it happen because He and I both know all about my faulty listening skills. The key is that we *want* to follow Him, we *want* to bring Him glory, we *want* the kingdom of God first, and God takes our feeble efforts in the same way that we take a beautiful picture scribbled specially for us by our three-year-old.

But sometimes, really cool things happen, like when you write a note to someone and mention something and you had no idea that it is the exact thing that has happened to the person. Truth is from God, so when this acquaintance told me what she'd been going through, we both knew that God had chosen to use my pen and note card. And rarely, (twice), I've had visions that came true. But I didn't know for sure if they were from God until they were proved true. The vision was a gift, but I think it would be an additional gift to know whether or not it was from God. There are other times that I'm sure of something, but I would not be so bold as to say that God told me such-and-such would happen, because I've been wrong before. So I wait. And if it turns out to be true then He gets the glory.


JanetR
daughter of the King since 1980
wife to dh since 1981
mom to five of the most incredible adults on the planet, one wonderful 18yo, and grandma to two bouncy grandsons
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