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Home » CHFWeb Libraries » Titus Two Library » Thoughts from an old blog: Jan 5, 2006
Thoughts from an old blog: Jan 5, 2006 [message #603885] Sun, 17 January 2010 20:30 Go to next message
Kate Megill  is currently offline Kate Megill
Messages: 6501
Registered: April 2005
Location: NW rural Illinois
Senior Member

Wive's roles - where we've gone wrong.

I am writing this in response to a friend's comments about wives she has heard who constantly bash their husbands about not helping out enough at home and her frustration with that kind of attitude. I put together some thoughts of my own based on this.

I agree that a major concern in our Christian women today is the wrong way they view their relationships with their husbands - they tend to see their husbands as THEIR helpmates, rather than the other way around. I think it is part of the lack of real discipleship in our churches (not to bash the church today, but discipleship is where I feel we have fallen down).

When I was first saved I was privileged to be in a wonderful church of disciplers. I was trained in the basics of the Christian faith, in how to study the Word of God, how to share my faith, how to disciple others, how to persevere in prayer, how to live a life of faith and joy. What I DIDN'T learn was practically how to look at my life as a woman with joy and acceptance. Part of it was my own sin that God hadn't touched on yet, but part of it was a real independant spirit that was almost built into me.

Well, our past 2 decades have seen Christian women come to a greater conviction of being stay-at-home moms (but they wouldn't do this if their children were grown) BUT they still don't have such a deep understanding of their real roles as wives. They see themselves as helpmates to their CHILDREN, meeting all of their needs and placing their children first and foremost in their lives. They are on the right track but have gotten off the path and are stalled down a dead-end. This has led to a great build up of frustration and resentment - and that tends to focus on the husband. BUT this resentment and frustration is merely a result of a misunderstanding of our roles and purpose.

We (wives) were CREATED to be helpers to our husbands. That sounds so wimpy, doesn't it? But we are created as helpmates in the same way that the Holy Spirit is called the Parakletos. This word is translated: comforter, helper, counselor, advocate. It means 'to come along side' or literally 'called to one's side'. The word used to describe the wife as the helpmate is used in only two ways in scripture: of the wife and of the Lord!! This makes for a very powerful affect that our help is to bring to our husbands. Our job of being a help, support, comfort, counsel for our husbands is in reality a very high and honorable calling.

A real and deep understanding of this truth can cause a complete change of our views. We now see that all that we do (including raising our children for God's glory) is to be ministering to our husbands. Our goals and vision for our family should be our HUSBANDS' goals and vision; we should be like ducks-in-a-row lined up behind our husbands (metaphorically speaking) following the way he leads and having our family be a visible expression of his heart and purpose before the Lord.

Of course this raises all sorts of questions:

-why do I have to be the slave?
-when do I get what I want?
-how come I don't get any voice?
-how do I get my needs met?
-what about when I'm burning out and need a break?
-how am I supposed to get it all done?

The key element in all these questions is "I". But the longer I walk with the Lord the more my heart cries out like John the Baptist "He must increase, I must decrease." My life has been bought by Christ by the weightiest cost - His precious life. He owns me now, He controls what I do, how I serve, whom I serve and my very purpose in existing. My life is poured out as a drink offering before the throne of grace. And if He has chosen to use my life in ministry to my husband, placing his needs above my own, then I am honored and blessed to be able to glorify Him. And I know that in doing so, God Himself will meet every need I have (and many that I don't even know that I have!)...sometimes through my husband or children and sometimes in ways I can't even begin to imagine. The point is, when we do things HIS way, we NEVER lose out!! He can even choose to exalt us with earthly glory if that is His best for us.

So, learning to stay home and raise our children for the Lord is just the beginning of the journey the Lord has for us. Next He wants to restore to us the joy in our creation that was lost at the fall but was redeemed at the cross. We just haven't always learned how to walk in that redemption. The first step to learning to honor our husbands in our speech is to understand how to honor them in our hearts by embracing our roles as ministers/servants in our homes to our husbands. It IS a joyful journey of freedom!

In His Joy and Grace,


Re: Thoughts from an old blog: Jan 5, 2006 [message #603889 is a reply to message #603885 ] Sun, 17 January 2010 21:19 Go to previous messageGo to next message
genn  is currently offline genn
Messages: 93
Registered: December 2008
Location: Ohio
Thanks for posting this, Kate. I've been thinking about these very things a lot lately, and God is revealing my own selfishness to me. I'm a social worker, and at times that I've worked, I really saw myself as an advocate for my clients. When I read the definition of "parakletos," and it included the term "advocate," I was shocked. I have seen myself as an advocate for my children, for my clients, for many people, but never for Ken. Wow. That's really sad. I should be his advocate before anyone else! Thanks for the wake up call.

Re: Thoughts from an old blog: Jan 5, 2006 [message #604472 is a reply to message #603889 ] Tue, 19 January 2010 16:38 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Sonkissedpeach  is currently offline Sonkissedpeach
Messages: 19
Registered: January 2010
Location: Dalton, Ga.
Junior Member
I agree. So many women look at the negative things their spouses do instead of the positive.
Re: Thoughts from an old blog: Jan 5, 2006 [message #604625 is a reply to message #603885 ] Wed, 20 January 2010 09:09 Go to previous message
Lisa R.  is currently offline Lisa R.
Messages: 14921
Registered: April 2005
Location: Georgia
Senior Member

You know, Kate, I didn't read this when you first posted it the other day, because I was quite busy, and figured it would be pithy, and I wouldn't have time to sort through it.

Sure enough, I was right!

I have to say, when I counsel women regarding their relationships with their husbands, I often talk about the role of wives as being a helpmeet and being submissive to their husbands. It's clear and so important in making a marriage work!

Since I was raised in the '60's and '70's with an "Anything boys can do, I can do better," sort of attitude, it was a hard adjustment to "let" Brad lead. Which phrasing, if you're observant, STILL speaks to a confused heart attitude. So, I understand young modern women's confusion and struggle with roles.

Even now, after 26 years of marriage, I see that we've worked out most of the details of how to live day-to-day in our proper roles. Yet, still, I find myself sometimes feeling that things are "unfair," or I have struggles with particular issues. And seriously, Brad is generally the most loving, considerate guy--it's not like I'm struggling with him running roughshod over my ideas/plans/desires--we discuss things and come to mutual decisions most of the time. He's a true servant-leader, who lays down his own desires for the good of the family. I just see in my heart the seeds of rebellion that most people wouldn't even notice.

At any rate...thanks for the food for thought/prayer. You always challenge me!

Lisa R.
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