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Home » CHFWeb Libraries » Homeschooling Library » What if your husband opposes homeschooling?
What if your husband opposes homeschooling? [message #17] Tue, 19 April 2005 14:07
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What if your husband is opposed to homeschooling? Some suggestions from "both sides" (male and female!):

Posted by  Valerie 

Subject: Following & appealing

On: Friday, 22 October 1999 at 9:54 pm

Do you know why he does not want you to homeschool? What are his concerns? Will you be quitting a job?

I faced a similar attitude in my husband. I did all the reading and kept trying to convince him. The hardest part of it all was accepting that he was the head of our house and the decision was his to make. I had to accept this in my heart and then determine that I would follow his decision and support him - not be bitter, etc. This was the first thing needed.

Next I thought about his concerns, one by one. How would homeschooling change things? What things could I do to help with these concerns?

I wrote out a list and realistically  addressed them. Kind of like a pro and con list. I listed all the pros I saw, as well, and the info to support them. This was not easy to do, as I wanted to load it with persuasive speech, but felt God wanted me to be objective and fair.

I gave the whole thing to my husband, and said, honey, this is something I would really like to do, its very much on my heart - I wrote these things out so you will know I'm aware of your concerns and you can know how I feel, but we'll do what you decide.

I do not know whether he read it - or if God just moved on his heart without it. He said he was wary - but if I felt that way, he felt he could trust me. He said life is full of regrets, and he did not want to be the reason I did not follow my heart. It was a step of faith for him, but he has supported us. I do not know how long we will school, and am always aware that should he want them back in school - that is where they will go. If it comes to that - my trust is in God and I will not be afraid. It is a good place to be. I know it meant a lot to my husband that I did not argue with him, but rather asked him to please consider my thoughts and told him I would support his decision.

Love, 

Valerie

And from a dad's view:

From: David 

Subject: I'm a Dad who also opposed the idea. (Long)

On: Friday, 22 October 1999 at 9:54 pm

Our son is 4. We had some time before a final decision had to be made, so maybe our situation was different. On the other hand, maybe a male perspective would help here.


1. My wife was very interested, but I had a lot of doubts. She didn't nag, threaten, or in any way make me feel that our future happiness depended on me "giving in". She did state her opinion, and left the decision to me.


2. I'm results oriented. Saying that she wanted to keep him at home wasn't enough. Pointing out that homeschool children, on average, score significantly better than public school children on scholastic testing run by the state carried a lot of weight.


3. We had many non-confrontational discussions about our values, and compared and contrasted those to the values taught (intentionally or otherwise) in public schools. After this discussion, we were sure that public school was not an option. We would either homeschool or apply to a private Christian school.


4. Let's face it. Money comes into play in many decisions that we make. We factored in the loss of income from her not having a job (not really that big a factor when one considers the appalling marginal tax rates in this country), the cost of a private education (shocking, even for pre-K programs in our area), and the cost for materials to educate at home. A reasoned, realistic approach is called for here. Don't try to cook the books to support your position. Additionally, she does do some paying work from home, and it helps. Even if she only clears $100 or so a month, that generally covers the cost of the educational materials.


5. I needed to be better informed on the difference between keeping your child at home and educating your child at home. BIG DIFFERENCE. Knowing that there was a daily plan for what our son would be doing each day helped me to see that this was not a case of him just hanging around the house. Now I participate in the planning process, and even do some of the schooling. My son's favorite: The "Plus" Game (aka flash cards).


6. I had the notion that homeschoolers were all a bunch of anti-government conspiracists...out of the mainstream...wacko's. For the uninformed public, I think this is a stigma that homeschoolers have. Then I met another guy, quite by accident, who was a homeschool dad. He was just a normal guy who thought that this was the best way to educate his children. The more homeshoolers I met the more I realized that these were not isolated hermits with no contact with the outside world. They were average, everyday Americans who wanted what was best for their kids. Actually, they were way better than average. They were, themselves, well educated, very aware of their rights and responsibilities as citizens, very informed on political issues and avid voters, and involved in their communities to a much greater than average degree. 


7. We decided to do a trial run by doing a pre-K at home. I've become a believer. My 4 year old son is reading (not War and Peace...we do 100 Easy Lessons), doing simple sums, easy science projects (putting beans in a jar and watching the seeds sprout) and has developed a love of learning that I find surprising and very satisfying. Maybe a trial run will be a good compromise for you, too.


Wow, this has been longer than I intended it to be. Whatever your decision, I hope things turn out well for your family.

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