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Introduction - Selective Mutism [message #707238]

Sun, 10 July 2011 15:57

Pam - NH
Messages: 138
Registered: October 2007
Location: NH

Senior Member

I don't see a lot of activity on this forum, but figured I would at least introduce myself in hopes of finding someone who may share the same or similar challenges.

My name is Pam; my husband, Steve, and I have been married 20 yrs. We have two boys: Chris (19 yo, homeschooled from 5th grade to graduation)and Cory (12 yo, homeschooled first time this past school year, 6th grade.)

My 12yo was diagnosed with Selective Mutism at the age of three. The challenges we face are:

- He only speaks to his immediate family (my husband and I, and his brother.)

- He has a small handful of friends he will speak to.

- He does not speak to ANY adult (teachers, doctors, waitpersons, grandparents, aunts/uncles, etc.)

- He does not like to talk about his feelings and WILL NOT talk about the Selective Mutism challenges.

- He will not say his name out loud. I have never heard him vocalize his name.

- In his 4th and 5th grade in public school, he would communicate with the teacher using a whiteboard. I agreed with this at first, but soon realized this was only serving as a crutch.

- He uses friends as his "messengers" to other adults or people he does not know.

I kept him in public school thinking it would be better for him to be around other people on a daily basis, in hopes he would have more opportunities to step out of his comfort zone and speak. After six years of seeing very little progress, I decided to bring him home to school. It was a good thing I did, as I soon discovered his math skills/knowledge and reading were considerably lacking!! Although, I was told he was doing great and test scores showed average results. We spent most of this past school year just catching up to where I felt he should be for his age (understanding that every child learns at different rates.) So, although I feel he has made great strides academically; I'm concerned he is not getting the exposure to those opportunities to "step out of his comfort zone."

Thank you all for listening! My prayers continue for my precious ds!

Pam - NH

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Re: Introduction - Selective Mutism [message #707281 is a reply to message #707238 ]

Mon, 11 July 2011 02:08

Tracy in Peru
Messages: 7298
Registered: April 2005
Location: Trujillo, Peru

Senior Member

Welcome Pam,

We tend to get really busy here and then taper off for awhile. Regardless, it is lovely to have a place to discuss our issues seperate from other homeschoolers since our issues and needs are different.

Congrats on following your instincts and bringing your son home. It sounds like it will be a positive experience for him.

I am only familiar with one other case of selective mutism, but it is a success story! My friends did use medical intervention for their daughter and a combination of things that pushed her out of her comfort zone and supported her when she was overwhelmed. The mom was a PS teacher at the elementary school, so they used that to their advantage when their daughter was young.

I just recently met up with them after ten years (maybe a bit more) and the daughter has grown into a lovely young lady with no issues. I was her Sunday school teacher and still remember when I became a "safe" person and the little girl would speak to me and participate in class.

Best wishes for your homeschooling journey.

[Updated on: Mon, 11 July 2011 02:09]

In Him--Tracy

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Re: Introduction - Selective Mutism [message #707294 is a reply to message #707281 ]

Mon, 11 July 2011 07:29

Sherry in NH
Messages: 10791
Registered: April 2005
Location: Small Town New Hampshire

Senior Member

Pam, I'm praying!! One idea is to go to a bigger local library and read through the stacks regarding this issue. I've done that to look for ideas for other things in our family. Also, I wonder if NATHHAN might have resources or be able to point you somewhere? Have you read about it already?

Wow, any idea what makes children decide to do this?

There was a little girl in our area who had (aphasia?) I forget the name until she was about five or six. But it wasn't selective. She couldn't get the words from her brain to her tongue and so didn't talk.

They did tons of work with her, and I was carpooling her when she was about 7 years old. She had just gotten to the point where she could tell jokes. And she was telling the same joke over and over and over. She was so joyful about it, it was really funny.

Also, my best friend had a little one who did not speak *at all* until he was about three. No mama, daddy nothing. Then one day at the table, he said something like, "Could you pass the salt, and while you are up, please close the window?"

Tracy, did the mom ever say what the daughter said about it *after* she started talking to other people?

[Updated on: Mon, 11 July 2011 07:32]

In Jesus

Sherry from NH

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Re: Introduction - Selective Mutism [message #707359 is a reply to message #707294 ]

Mon, 11 July 2011 12:44

Pam - NH
Messages: 138
Registered: October 2007
Location: NH

Senior Member

Tracy - Thank you for those encouraging words! I wish I were able to get inside his head to have a better understanding of how he feels and what he is thinking during those anxious moments! It would be so helpful if he would share his feelings with his dad and I . . . it hurts to know how much he must be struggling with this and not knowing how to help him.

Sherry - I have read many books/articles and have continuously researched for the past 9-10 years! We have been through many counselors, psychologists, and other specialists; all to no avail. I don't necessarily fault any of them . . . I really believe, at the age my son is now, that he has to WANT to speak! If the desire isn't there, how can he be helped? He is much too comfortable having us be his voice. I am concerned about his future if he doesn't start taking steps now to help himself!

You mentioned someone named Nathhan? Does he have any available resources or know of any?

Thank you for your prayers! They are greatly appreciated!

Pam - NH

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Re: Introduction - Selective Mutism [message #707418 is a reply to message #707359 ]

Mon, 11 July 2011 20:58

Sherry in NH
Messages: 10791
Registered: April 2005
Location: Small Town New Hampshire

Senior Member

Oh, sorry, it's a group for homeschoolers with special needs kids.

More here:

http://www.google.com/#hl=en&source=hp&q=NATHHAN& ;oq=NATHHAN&aq=f&aqi=g1g-s1g-sx8&aql=undefined&a mp;gs_sm=e&gs_upl=265l2062l0l8l6l1l0l0l0l266l470l2-2l2&a mp;bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.&fp=cd2cba414e8d4f38&biw=10 24&bih=519

In Jesus

Sherry from NH

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Re: Introduction - Selective Mutism [message #707420 is a reply to message #707418 ]

Mon, 11 July 2011 21:05

Sherry in NH
Messages: 10791
Registered: April 2005
Location: Small Town New Hampshire

Senior Member

For anyone reading who wants to read more, there's a ton out there:

http://www.google.com/#hl=en&source=hp&q=selective+m utis+boston+globe&oq=selective+mutis+boston+globe&aq =f&aqi=g-sx1&aql=undefined&gs_sm=e&gs_upl=15 6l8281l0l29l19l2l3l4l0l688l2830l0.1.2.3.1.1l8&bav=on.2,o r.r_gc.r_pw.&fp=cd2cba414e8d4f38&biw=1024&bih=51 9

What's interesting is my very chatterboxy dear sister was like this when she was smaller. Not as consistently, but a social butterfly at home and especially when she was in middle school, did not say a word in social situations. We older siblings used to sort of cover for her.

I never knew there was even a word for it.

In Jesus

Sherry from NH

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Re: Introduction - Selective Mutism [message #707447 is a reply to message #707420 ]

Tue, 12 July 2011 06:25

Pam - NH
Messages: 138
Registered: October 2007
Location: NH

Senior Member

WOW! Sherry! There's a lot of information available in those two links! Thank you so much . . . and just when I thought I had researched all there is out there! ; )

Pam - NH

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